Comments on: How to handle chronic complainers http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/ Make Yourself and Your Business Happy At Work Sun, 20 May 2012 05:56:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: earthgirl58 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-259750 earthgirl58 Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:02:23 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-259750 I've read all the posts and realize I definitely do do my own fair share of complaining but it's not all negative. Luckily I am self observant and can tell if I'm getting on someones nerves so as to abruptly halt the conversation, change the subject or simply dismiss yourself. Unfortunately, most chronic complainers are not self-observant so this leads to more negative responses from people who then avoid you which leads to more lower self esteem which promotes more complaining in order to achieve validating. It's a sad self-fulfilling cycle of never really getting what you most desperately need from others; acceptance and a true trusting connection. I came across this article and hopefully it will lead to further reading on the subject: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ironshrink/201001/the-art-fine-whining I’ve read all the posts and realize I definitely do do my own fair share of complaining but it’s not all negative. Luckily I am self observant and can tell if I’m getting on someones nerves so as to abruptly halt the conversation, change the subject or simply dismiss yourself. Unfortunately, most chronic complainers are not self-observant so this leads to more negative responses from people who then avoid you which leads to more lower self esteem which promotes more complaining in order to achieve validating. It’s a sad self-fulfilling cycle of never really getting what you most desperately need from others; acceptance and a true trusting connection.

I came across this article and hopefully it will lead to further reading on the subject: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ironshrink/201001/the-art-fine-whining

]]> By: KC http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-259588 KC Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:34:39 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-259588 In an era of eroded workers' rights the article seems irresponsible. There is it seems plenty to complain about. You sir, are a Pollyanna. In an era of eroded workers’ rights the article seems irresponsible. There is it seems plenty to complain about. You sir, are a Pollyanna.

]]> By: Kyle http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-258554 Kyle Thu, 08 Dec 2011 02:04:06 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-258554 It seems to mostly happen at night or when he does not sleep well. I try to remember to ask if he slept well because I then avoid long conversations with him but when I am tired at the same time then we get on each others nerves like atoms colliding then BOOM! It seems to mostly happen at night or when he does not sleep well. I try to remember to ask if he slept well because I then avoid long conversations with him but when I am tired at the same time then we get on each others nerves like atoms colliding then BOOM!

]]> By: Kyle http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-258553 Kyle Thu, 08 Dec 2011 02:02:37 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-258553 WOW! Just wow! My dad when he is tired can become a complainer and think of only negative situations which if I try your list I only get ignored and then I wind up being the complainer though he had to grow up without any parents. I do not want to give away his reasons for being a complainer but when he tells me why he feels life is hard during his tired moments: what do I say to myself to remember your trick? It seems to mostly happen at night or if he does not sleep well because when he sleeps well he can be pretty positive and even creative at times. When Dad and I are both tired we get on each others nerves and I usually wind up being the one looking bad if I try to blame him. WOW! Just wow!
My dad when he is tired can become a complainer and think of only negative situations which if I try your list I only get ignored and then I wind up being the complainer though he had to grow up without any parents.

I do not want to give away his reasons for being a complainer but when he tells me why he feels life is hard during his tired moments: what do I say to myself to remember your trick?
It seems to mostly happen at night or if he does not sleep well because when he sleeps well he can be pretty positive and even creative at times.

When Dad and I are both tired we get on each others nerves and I usually wind up being the one looking bad if I try to blame him.

]]> By: the Tropical Lady http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-258297 the Tropical Lady Mon, 28 Nov 2011 00:46:50 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-258297 spinx Said: self-awareness, which you have, is a huge first step and I congratulate you on that! - I think most complainers are in denial, or think their lives really ARE that much worse than everyone else's. As a former (hopefully!) supreme whiner myself, I'll tell you what has helped me the most - 1) meditating - all the little crap seems so much less important afterwards - do it regularly and I recommend transcendental meditation - it takes a little time but think of it as a well-deserved mental vacation 2) self-talk - takes the least amount of time - Shad Helmstetter's books are old but great if you need help coming up with scripts - just repeat about 10 sentences about how positive a person you ARE (not WANT to be) with enthusiasm a couple times a day for a few weeks and see if things haven't improved. 3) this is also a quickie - write down 3 things you are appreciative for every morning and before you go to bed, too, if you can swing it - it's hard to feel appreciative and whiny at the same time! 4) pick a chunk of quiet time, turn off the cell phone and write down a list of everything in your life that sucks or bugs you, and then brainstorm and write down ways to improve them or at least avoid them - it's amazing what you will realize you can actually change when you just clear some time in your schedule to think about it - then visit this list every so often to check on your progress - and don't forget to congratulate and reward yourself on your victories!! 5) when I just HAVE to whine about something (like my incredibly whiny mother!) I pick someone who will understand and tell them upfront I just have to whine about something - I don't do it around anyone else because I want to keep the poison as confined as possible :-) Hope these tricks help, and let me know if you come up with any other ones! Best of luck! spinx Said: self-awareness, which you have, is a huge first step and I congratulate you on that! – I think most complainers are in denial, or think their lives really ARE that much worse than everyone else’s. As a former (hopefully!) supreme whiner myself, I’ll tell you what has helped me the most – 1) meditating – all the little crap seems so much less important afterwards – do it regularly and I recommend transcendental meditation – it takes a little time but think of it as a well-deserved mental vacation 2) self-talk – takes the least amount of time – Shad Helmstetter’s books are old but great if you need help coming up with scripts – just repeat about 10 sentences about how positive a person you ARE (not WANT to be) with enthusiasm a couple times a day for a few weeks and see if things haven’t improved. 3) this is also a quickie – write down 3 things you are appreciative for every morning and before you go to bed, too, if you can swing it – it’s hard to feel appreciative and whiny at the same time! 4) pick a chunk of quiet time, turn off the cell phone and write down a list of everything in your life that sucks or bugs you, and then brainstorm and write down ways to improve them or at least avoid them – it’s amazing what you will realize you can actually change when you just clear some time in your schedule to think about it – then visit this list every so often to check on your progress – and don’t forget to congratulate and reward yourself on your victories!! 5) when I just HAVE to whine about something (like my incredibly whiny mother!) I pick someone who will understand and tell them upfront I just have to whine about something – I don’t do it around anyone else because I want to keep the poison as confined as possible :-) Hope these tricks help, and let me know if you come up with any other ones! Best of luck!

]]> By: spinx http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-257853 spinx Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:43:09 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-257853 So i have a question, as a complainer. yes i am the very person this article speaks of, and i have recently come to realise it andit bugs me, it honestly truelly bugs me that i find everything wrong in my life etc etc. I can see how my work collegues and loved ones do that "sigh here she comes" routine. How can I stop myself? I know i need to be more positive, but i find myself stopping myself from being positive. it really is a sad habit sheesh. Any advice would help me a lot =) So i have a question, as a complainer.

yes i am the very person this article speaks of, and i have recently come to realise it andit bugs me, it honestly truelly bugs me that i find everything wrong in my life etc etc. I can see how my work collegues and loved ones do that “sigh here she comes” routine. How can I stop myself? I know i need to be more positive, but i find myself stopping myself from being positive. it really is a sad habit sheesh.

Any advice would help me a lot =)

]]> By: Sally http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-257734 Sally Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:15:39 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-257734 This article is so well written and apparently continues to draw people's comments (my own, included)! I think that's great! Thank you for this. But what you said is very true and I was looking for application of it, to not only the workplace but also in my personal life as well. During the past 6 years I've been battling a chronic illness and I'm waaay too young for the ailments I now live with day after day. I've finally gotten beyond the brave stage and down to some good ole fashioned complaining to those close friends of mine who actually still dare to ask how I'm feeling. And they are getting that glazed-over look. I can see them trying all those classic strategies with me - saying stupid stuff to cheer me up (I've got a crippling disease but I should be glad it's not brain cancer), giving me suggestions (and if I don't do them, I must just want to be miserable), or interrupting me while I'm talking as if what I'm saying is boring them to death. That just makes me feel awful. And I try to be quiet after that... but somehow I can't stay that way. I gotta tell you. It hurts. Because, while I'm not exactly PollyAnna, I'm not generally a complainer, or at least not to the extent that I should be particularly objectionable to this group. In fact, I was/am one of the most positive ones in the bunch! But I'm dealing with something that's big for me, something everyone has acknowledged in the past. And Empathy is all I want now. I know they're tired of hearing it but I'm tired of living it! Just knowing that I'm taken seriously would keep me from trying to prove even more that I have cause for complaint. How can you rely on secular associates for consideration all the time? But I thought I could/should rely on my friends for it. Even so, I have decided, for my own sanity and theirs, to observe a 24-hour Complaint-Free day and see how it goes. If it goes well, I'll continue to make it a goal. In the workplace, yes, I believe empathy will work. But it's good to also establish the point where you will just stop listening, when the complaining continues and becomes disruptive. This article is so well written and apparently continues to draw people’s comments (my own, included)! I think that’s great! Thank you for this.

But what you said is very true and I was looking for application of it, to not only the workplace but also in my personal life as well. During the past 6 years I’ve been battling a chronic illness and I’m waaay too young for the ailments I now live with day after day. I’ve finally gotten beyond the brave stage and down to some good ole fashioned complaining to those close friends of mine who actually still dare to ask how I’m feeling. And they are getting that glazed-over look. I can see them trying all those classic strategies with me – saying stupid stuff to cheer me up (I’ve got a crippling disease but I should be glad it’s not brain cancer), giving me suggestions (and if I don’t do them, I must just want to be miserable), or interrupting me while I’m talking as if what I’m saying is boring them to death. That just makes me feel awful. And I try to be quiet after that… but somehow I can’t stay that way.

I gotta tell you. It hurts. Because, while I’m not exactly PollyAnna, I’m not generally a complainer, or at least not to the extent that I should be particularly objectionable to this group. In fact, I was/am one of the most positive ones in the bunch! But I’m dealing with something that’s big for me, something everyone has acknowledged in the past. And Empathy is all I want now. I know they’re tired of hearing it but I’m tired of living it! Just knowing that I’m taken seriously would keep me from trying to prove even more that I have cause for complaint. How can you rely on secular associates for consideration all the time? But I thought I could/should rely on my friends for it.

Even so, I have decided, for my own sanity and theirs, to observe a 24-hour Complaint-Free day and see how it goes. If it goes well, I’ll continue to make it a goal.

In the workplace, yes, I believe empathy will work. But it’s good to also establish the point where you will just stop listening, when the complaining continues and becomes disruptive.

]]> By: Whiners and Complainers: TAKE A HIKE!!! | Roland's Ramblings http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-257037 Whiners and Complainers: TAKE A HIKE!!! | Roland's Ramblings Sun, 18 Sep 2011 10:49:51 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-257037 [...] Have Time For Chronic Complainers, Whiners Or Negative People Responding to Chronic Complainers.mov How to handle chronic complainers Dealing with habitual whiners and complainers America: A Nation of Whiners and Complainers? Whiners [...] [...] Have Time For Chronic Complainers, Whiners Or Negative People Responding to Chronic Complainers.mov How to handle chronic complainers Dealing with habitual whiners and complainers America: A Nation of Whiners and Complainers? Whiners [...]

]]> By: Have You Read? « Civil Civil Servant http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-255654 Have You Read? « Civil Civil Servant Fri, 15 Apr 2011 13:59:26 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-255654 [...] How to Handle Chronic Complainers [...] [...] How to Handle Chronic Complainers [...]

]]> By: UTM : Library Blog » How to handle chronic complainers http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-255251 UTM : Library Blog » How to handle chronic complainers Fri, 04 Mar 2011 00:37:15 +0000 http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/#comment-255251 [...] Source : http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/ [...] [...] Source : http://positivesharing.com/2006/08/a-devious-trick-to-handle-chronic-complainers/ [...]

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