I tend to overreact around people who are intense. I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing. All my family members were pretty quiet people. But, when my dad went ballistic, it was terrorizing. I quickly began to gauge his mood when he got home from work. “Is it safe or not?” If he started beating on the boys because their room was dirty, I’d rush to clean up my room, cower in my bed, or try to stay out of the way. That has made me VERY tuned into my environment.
If someone is having a bad day, I feel it. If someone makes an intense phone call from the office, I feel it. If a salesperson approaches me and they’re too loud, I feel intimidated and overwhelmed.

As I see it, you have a few choices….

Share with her exactly what you shared with us, one-on-one, and see if her response is adequate enough for you to trust her again. Though, I wouldn’t throw all your caution to the wind. Take your time as you both rebuild that trust.

OR

Limit the time you spend with her… no breaks, no lunches, no walks, no long-drawn-out talks.

OR

Ask your boss if you can sit elsewhere. That might allow you the space you need to think things through.

Whatever you do, try to keep the issue between you and her. Involving other co-workers too often makes the issue messier.

Another option, which often works for me, cause I can get so caught up in the emotions…. Imagine someone you love deeply is going through the same situation. Imagine they came to you for advice. How would you counsel them?

Looking back, what would I do differently? I’d not pretend I was friends with the person(s) I had a problem with. And if I could muster up the courage I’d say, “When you sit at your desk and shoot the breeze with me, while everyone in the office is working their butts off, I feel like we’re stealing from the company.” “I’m here to work. I’m getting paid to work. When I come in and all you want to do is shoot the breeze, I feel like I’m stealing from the company.” Surely that would have been enough to let the person know that I didn’t want to chat with them 20-30 minutes each morning about some non-business crap.

My advice… try to maintain your work ethic and integrity throughout this process. Don’t lower yourself to their level. The boss may see what’s going on? You never know. And pray that God would intervene. Read about Joseph, Jacob’s son. He was buffeted and betrayed by nearly everyone he knew. But he maintained his integrity and as a result, he was elevated and promoted, beyond his imagination.

OK, Let’s say I decide to feel sorry for one of the guys who constantly leaves me holding the bag. He’s in a position of power over me (in the awful office only) and he abuses it. Feeling sorry for him will do nothing to change the crappy situation I’m in. In fact, it will only serve to perpetuate it. Sometimes when you’re in a corner, you must figure out a way to fight back.

That’s BS. The vast majority are just jerks who will do anything within their (tiny) power to get other people to do THEIR work. Especially the women. They are always happy to dump all their work on your desk while they go off and call their boyfriend or whoever on their cell. Another type is the one who acts offended when you don’t want to kiss their ass. You will meet very few people who are worthwhile at work.

A coworker that unapologetically comes late to work by 15 – 20 minutes habitually although he only lives 15 minutes away!

A coworker that is constantly criticizing everyone and everything but flys into a rage if he even perceives negative feedback.

A coworker that has already been reprimanded many times over for unprofessional conduct including being haughty to people and made a female coworker cry with his insensitive remarks.

A coworker that overtly eats while talking on the phone on work related matters with people!

A coworker who constantly makes politically incorrect references to race and female gender but then accuses people of harassment when his work is criticized.

A coworker who is constantly booking appointments during the middle of the work day and doesn’t come back, or calls in sick if he has a case of the sniffles leaving others to carry the workload.

A coworker who is talking to his wife on the phone in a belittling way in the workplace.

A coworker who thinks nothing of his loud cel phone ringtone and that it may be disturbing others?

A coworker constantly mooching from people (even overtly asking people for a sample of their food or lunch) or gluttonously taking offerings of cookies and candy coworkers bring to share but NEVER offering anything back in return.

Um, yeah, just ignore it and don’t get mad, huh? Easier said than done.

One bad work situation went on for 6 months. And a few months after I quit, I got cancer. So, people, it’s not worth it, staying at a place where the environment or an employee is toxic. Put out your resume. God doesn’t call us to be doormats or to put our health on the line for some moron (be that a boss or an employee). At least that’s my feeling. When I’ve put out my resume, the next job has ALWAYS been an improvement, and never regretted.