Happiness, Satisfaction, & Change: Day 2
Happiness: It’s Clearly Personal
Yesterday’s closing question, “How do you reconcile happiness and satisfaction with Change?” prompted some heartfelt and wide-ranging thought.
Alik at Practice This weighed in quickly. His take? It’s about “setting achievable goals and concluding the week with happiness if all things get done satisfactorily.”
Kasper agreed with Alik and added a new notion: Instead of using the phrase “achievable goals,” think in terms of arriving at a “happiness condition.”
U. K. property expert Mark Harrison thought that I had implied that “contentment” was a product of “status quo.” After re-reading the post, I might surmise the same thing. Yet while I have no problem living in the moment and being content in my circumstances, my wife would tell you that I’m not much of a status quo guy:-)
Mark points to a couple of things that indicate movement/action:
1. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, leading to self-actualization.
As an organization/behavioral development consultant for more than 30 years, old Abe pops up on the radar screen regularly in my work. His theory is popular because it intuitively makes sense. Interestingly, it has never been scientifically validated. It has what is known as “face” validation. That means, “It makes sense to me and it fits.”
What’s important to take away is this: Self-actualization implies that each person has to consciously define what that means in order to achieve a sense of satisfaction. Different people will change or raise their sights according to who they are; but it’s a personal choice as well as a personal responsibility.
2. Earl Nightingale, Revised Harrison Version (RHV)
Earl Nightingale was one of the original personal growth/motivational writers and a producer of much multi-media material still in circulation today. He had a definition of success that is sensible: “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” (Again implying movement). Mark offered a variation on a theme that probably fits the human condition equally as well. He suggests substituting the word “Happiness” for “Success.”
Try it out and see if it fits.
Check out Michael Lee Stallard’s comment to see how the Greeks used more than one word with more than one implication in order to look at “happiness.” Michael takes it further and notes that “feelings of happiness (emerge) when our needs for respect, recognition, belonging, and meaning are met.
But how about this?
He also points out that the degrees that we experience these forms of happiness tend to fluctuate from “season to season. It’s a mystery why this is so.”
Which I suppose is why that wise king, Solomon, noted that “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”… (Nah, Bob Dylan didn’t do it first:-)
What can we take away today?
I think there are five things:
1. Happiness and satisfaction are individual choices. Therefore, you need to make purposeful decisions about what is satisfying. The consequence of not doing so is to walk through life dissatisfied and wondering why.
2. We need to be clear about what is satisfying before we accept a job. If you know what makes you tick, it’s a lot easier to research and investigate a potential employer. After all, they research and investigate you!
3. Employers can’t satisfy every individual’s personal wants. In fact, my experience has been that no one really expects that. What people do want from employers are respect, recognition, a sense of belonging, and meaningful work, as Mark stated. By the way, “meaningful work” means taking time to match talents and tasks–that’s an investment that’s both satisfying and profitable.
4. We humans see action as an important part of our lives. When we’re purposeful about it, we feel satisfied. When we’re unfocused, life tends to feel out of focus, too. Take it as a sign to re-visit your purpose.
5. There are times, or seasons, when life–personally and professionally–can seem like Autumn or Winter. Yet for thousands of years, Spring has come and something new–even unexpected–has begun to bloom. So it is with our lives. We don’t control the seasons; but we can control our response to them.
What would you like to add to the mix?
Steve Roesler of All Things Workplace is sitting in the CHO chair while Alex is on holiday.
Written by steveroesler Permalink
peter vajda Said,
February 5, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
Hi, Steve, nice to connect with you hear.
Some thoughts:
One is as happy as one chooses to be. It is a choice. One conflict is between what one truly “knows” makes one happy and what “thinks should make” one happy. A vast difference, and confusion and one that causes much upset and self-loathing for many, especially those who live from a victim consciousness.
Many folks have no idea when it comes to accurately naming what makes them happy…they are quite clear, however, on others’ expectations to which they ascribe/attach and direct their do-ings, be-ing and hav-ings. No surprise so many are living in their winter of their discontent – at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70…going through mid-life crises again and again searching for the elusive “secret sauce “ of happiness “out there”.
Self-destructive values, other-driven goals, confusing visions, most often based on an ego-driven, “logically-based” mental approach to life, as opposed to a heart/soul-driven direction, result in so many happiness dead-ends that folks attempt to push through never getting the notion that a dead end is the best place to turn around, i.e. re-think their Sisyphean approach to experiencing happiness.
At work, there are go guarantees; just fluidity, uncertainty, unpredictability and change. Happiness is being OK with the bumpy journey, being “conscious” and awake on the ride, the mind-set of the pioneer in a way….being OK with “not knowing”, with fear, with being ungrounded, knowing that it’s all good in the larger (soul’s growth) scheme of things, taking in what is effective and jettisoning what is not, knowing there are no guarantees, just now, whatever season it is. To be that free, in mind and heart, to be open and available to whatever arises, consciously and proactively, in the process of our own growth (emotional and spiritual) speaks to the experience of happiness.
Thanks for the tug on the sleeve.
Jane Said,
February 6, 2008 @ 1:47 am
Hi -
I am a long time proponent of the concept that choice is one of the largest, if not THE largest aspect of our existence that we have control of.
Yes, Sh** happens….so does Magic.
Have you noticed that the grouch, the complainer, the glass-half-empty folks gravitate to each other in the workplace as well as in their day to day lives? The opposite is true. If you are a positive, optimistic, can-do person, don’t you prefer to interact with persons who operate on the same basic principles? You bet you do!
So it is my opinion that ‘happiness’ and/or ‘success’ can be (to some extent) a choice. Are there things that are out of our control? Absolutely. Bad things can happen to good people. But we can make choices on how we respond or react to these bad situations. And we can start by surrounding ourselves by persons who take a positive approach to life.
Another benefit of spending time with these folks is this – a positive person is more likely to be willing to help out someone who is in need. Whether it is passing on some of the good fortune that they are experiencing, or, doing something for someone else simply so they feel better about themselves – either way, some of this can rub off on you.
Finally, many of us work very hard. We spend many hours interacting with the folks at work. Why not find a company that believes in doing the right thing and puts this into action? How do you find a place like this? That nasty word – Networking! Talk to people, particularly to persons who love their jobs, love the companies that they work for. Don’t ask them to refer you for a job, at least not at first. Ask what they like and don’t like about their job, their boss, their co workers. Ask about other companies that their friends and acquaintences work for.
And don’t be afraid to ask if your acquaintance would mind helping you get in touch with those persons. Tell them you’re doing a ‘happiness’ survey! At the very least, you will peak their curiosity and get an interesting conversation started. Doesn’t everyone love to talk about themselves? :)
Jane
Steve Roesler Said,
February 6, 2008 @ 7:40 am
Peter and Jane,
Please forgive the single response to two well thought-out comments. Have been in NYC consulting all day and am just getting back at 12:30 am.
The content of your comments is so compelling and fits so well with the post I am about to write, I intend to include pieces of both.
Thanks for taking time to add so much to the conversation. . .
Galba Bright of Tune up your EQ Said,
February 6, 2008 @ 8:18 am
Hello Steve:
I hope you’re enjoying your new temporary home. I like Earl Nightingale’s definition. I take it to mean that once a person is taking steps towards a goal of their own choice, s/he is successful. It’s a very inclusive defintion which extends far beyond goals concerned with material wealth.
Happiness, Satisfaction, & Change: Day 3 Said,
February 6, 2008 @ 10:44 am
[...] Happiness, Satisfaction, & Change: Day 2 [...]
Steve Roesler Said,
February 6, 2008 @ 5:50 pm
Hi, Galba,
I am enjoying the new temporary home and hope that I’m not evicted before Alex returns!
The definition has always struck me as sensible as well for the same reasons; I especially like the clear implication that it is personal vs. defined by someone else.
Galba Bright of Tune up your EQ Said,
February 8, 2008 @ 1:54 am
Hello Steve:
Meaning is a peculiarly individual and subjective thing. I wonder, if every worker pursued their own notion of meaning, how would that affect the corporate world?
Steve Roesler Said,
February 8, 2008 @ 6:41 am
Ah, Galba,
Isn’t that the source of tension in all relationships?
When people start out interviewing in organizations, they would be wise to explore how closely the collective values and lifestyle match their own. But let’s face it: often the need to earn a living overrides what may be a sensible, long-term match.
You bring up an interesting point, though, as you insert the word “meaning.” If an organization truly measures one’s performance against goals; and if one can execute successfully without undermining one’s sense of “meaning” in life; then the working relationship could, theoretically, work out quite well, no?
naijatechtalk admin is Chief Happiness Engineer « n a i j a t e c h t a l k Said,
February 11, 2008 @ 7:45 pm
[...] talks of happiness in the workplace etc., and, he hit the nail on the head with this one: Happiness, its clearly personal. I love the ‘clearly part. My [...]
Sarah Said,
February 12, 2008 @ 8:30 pm
I just wanted to say thank you to all that have contributed to this blog. I have stumbled on this while at work b/c I am looking for change and a new sense of being in my early 20′s…i’m one of those! I feel like I have a new sense of direction and am now evaluating my decisions and the “focus” I want in my life. All of your insight is helping me tremendously!
Steve Roesler Said,
February 14, 2008 @ 5:12 am
Sarah, that’s good news. . .and encouraging to everyone who has taken time to join in the discussion here.
All the best as you continue to explore the future!