What would you do?
What would you do if you had a really bad boss? That’s the situation one reader of this blog is in. He read my post on How to Deal With a Bad Boss and left this comment:
I have a unique situation. All but 2 people in the office are treated nicely by my boss. Yes you guessed it I am one of those 2 people.
Recently I have had all my duties I was hired for taken completely away from me under “restructuring of the program” meanwhile everyone else has the same duties except my other colleague in the same boat as me. My boss avoids all attempts I make to communicate with him. In fact I have been reduced down to what my former assistant, who was incredible at her job, did all day.
To make matters worse the person with my old responsibilities does not have a graduate degree. I have my Masters and she micro manages me. Nothing I do is OK. I am completely miserable here and I hate that everyone else is treated with respect, they love both my boss and the lady with my old responsibilities.
My colleague is in a similar situation with a different person who has her responsibilities. We are treated like second class citizens here and I really need advice what to do especially since to everyone else my boss is perfect including his supervisors and upper management..
Oh I forgot to mention my former director here everyone hated. She was a great manager but lacked all people skills and came down with an iron fist on everyone. My current boss who has her old job was responsible for her being promoted out of the area. Any advice would help! Thanks for reading this post and writing this article :)
That’s a tough one. What do you think this reader could do? What would you do?
Sailor Girl Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 2:36 pm
My suggestion is to keep cool (it’s getting harder to keep jobs and to find new ones) and to pretend nothing is happening. In Portugal, we have a saying that goes like this: «Não há Mal que sempre dure, nem Bem que nunca acabe…» (there is nothing Bad that will exist forever, and nothing Good that will never end…)
John Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 2:47 pm
Quit.
Seriously.
For what ever reason, you are so out of step with your current team that it’s making you miserable. No-one else sees the current situation as a problem. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t – your discomfort is evidence enough – but it means that you’re not going to have any allies when you try to make things change.
She was a great manager but lacked all people skills and came down with an iron fist on everyone.
I’m really not sure how you’re defining ‘great manager’ here – no people skills, equally unjust and everyone else hated her? What’s great about that?
Mike Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 3:25 pm
With the facts you’re giving, it seems like an obvious political move to make you quit, which wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world considering how miserable you are.
Maybe they don’t have a good reason to fire you but why, no matter how irrational, would you want to work somewhere where you’re not wanted?
If you don’t have the current means to leave, my first suggestion would be to speak up to your boss or his/her superiors. Let them know exactly what you told us: “I have been reduced down to what my former assistant…did all day.” Ask why and how this happened. At least you’ll be one step closer to being satisfied without leaving, but again, my suspicion is that they’re trying to get rid of you but cannot legally do so. They obviously won’t tell you that upfront. Use your time to sharpen your skills, meet people in your industry, and prepare to move on.
Mike Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
With the facts you’re giving, it seems like an obvious political move to make you quit, which wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world considering how miserable you are.
Maybe they don’t have a good reason to fire you but why, no matter how irrational their reasoning, would you want to work somewhere where you’re not wanted?
If you don’t have the current means to leave, my first suggestion would be to speak up to your boss or his/her superiors. Let them know exactly what you told us: “I have been reduced down to what my former assistant…did all day.” Ask why and how this happened. At least you’ll be one step closer to being satisfied without leaving, but again, my suspicion is that they’re trying to get rid of you but cannot legally do so. They obviously won’t tell you that upfront. Use your time to sharpen your skills, meet people in your industry, and prepare to move on.
MichaelWH Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 3:36 pm
Keep your mouth shut and your head down. Grin and bear it, even to BOHICA levels.
And look for another job while you’re doing all this before your manager finds the excuse to fire you.
Squish Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 4:29 pm
Hunker down and maintain your professionalism at work.
Dust off your resume and start networking like crazy. Find any reason to reach out to other people, and above all, avoid the temptation to bad mouth the current boss, situation, employer.
You MUST remain positive and professional. If asked if you’re looking for a new job by your network, simply say that you are open to new challenges where you feel you can contribute as part of a team.
My best to you in this difficult situation.
Chris Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 5:17 pm
You need to find someone who knows the situation where you work that you can talk to. I’d suggest a Union Representative if you have one and are a member. It’s hard to know what to do from hearing just one side of the situation. For example, I would ask why your current boss micro-manages you. I would also want to know why your responsibilities were given to someone else. It’s important to get the answers to these questions from people who can give authoritative answers, rather than to try to answer them yourself.
Other commenters have suggested that they may be trying to force you out. Why would they do that? And if there is a good reason instead of an illegal one, is there anything you can do to reverse their thinking?
PaulB Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 6:29 pm
You’ve got to leave for your own sanity and health. When you start using words like “hate” and phrases like “second class citizen”, to describe your work environment then things have gone too far. It really doesn’t matter who is to blame for how things got to where they are,… but as Alex says, “you are responsible for your own happiness”.
Sure it would be great to stay at work while you polish your resume, build your network and look for another job. Why not lay low and wait till the economy improves before quitting? Well because life is way too short to be in a horrible place for even one more day. Seriously.
This is truly the way I feel, and what I would do if I were you. I am not giving you advice or telling you what to do, just relating how I felt when I read your post. You need to do what’s right for you, and only you, because in the end you need to be able to resolve your happiness within yourself.
Good luck with your decision; it will be the right choice because you’ve made it for yourself!
George A Guajardo Said,
July 8, 2009 @ 10:28 pm
Sorry, but I only see one realistic option. Leave while you can still do so on your own terms. You may not be downsized tomorrow, but all they need is an excuse. Why stick around to make it better? Find a new job and turn in your resignation.
Yellow Umbrella Said,
July 9, 2009 @ 9:10 am
Hi,
I’d love to address you by your name (or alias) but unfortunately I can’t find it anywhere.
What are you going to do with all the comments? Leave – Stay – Talk to your boss’s boss – Quit – try harder…?
Nobody can advise you what’s the right thing to do in your unique situation.
What I’m gonna say might sound quite frank but I’m also offering you help, so read on :)
I noticed that 90% of your post is made of passive sentences. Everything “happened to you” and you are the victim. “I am not treated nicely. I had my duties taken away. I have been reduced…”
My first question as a coach would be to add “the second part” to those sentences, with what you think your role was in that. E.g. “I had my duties taken away, because I [e.g. missed a few deadlines]“. “I am not treated nicely, because I [e.g. always get emotional when my boss speaks to me.]”
What happens when you look at yourself through the eyes of your boss? Or through the eyes of your team? Who do they see? What makes them treat you the way they do? It doesn’t matter if they are right, they might totally misunderstand you, but what do you think is the reason for their behavior towards you?
Are you getting along with the other person who’s also not being treated nicely? Look at this person – that might be easier – why do people treat her/him the way they do? What do you have in common with this person?
What I think is the first thing that’s needed is that you UNDERSTAND why this is “happening to you” or how “you created it”. You need to know how this situation came about and what your role in it was. This is not about blame, this is about understanding people’s actions, interactions with each other and the domino effect of them. If everything would indeed just be happening to you and were out of your control, then there was no way for you to change things.
I’m not going to say “there are no bad bosses” because I had one myself, two actually, and they were the reason why I left my last job. Like in your case, though, they got along fine with other people and they had no clue that they were “bad bosses”. Why? Because part of the team didn’t dare to tell them they were bad, part of the team didn’t care and just got on with their jobs and part of the team didn’t have a problem with them in the first place because they had similar personalities. To them, those bosses were not bad. I on the other hand cared; I had the opposite personality of them; and I did tell them what was going on in the team and how I felt, so in their eyes * I * was the problem and I had to go. Not nice and they are still bad bosses :) however I absolutely know what my role in this was and I understand the motivation of each party involved.
I have a feeling that this is the biggest thing that’s missing on your end – the UNDERSTANDING. My guess from where I sit is that this has a lot to do with personalities. You 2 might be the only 2 people in the team whose personality does not match with your boss’s. And my second idea would be to look at the sort of job you do, the sort of environment you are in and if you guys are actually a good fit for that. Remember Alex’x post about “How to manage geeks”? “Geeks, IT people” have a specific personality that doesn’t fit into every environment. Same as Marketing/PR people would feel out of place if they were suddenly pushed to work with a team of IT people…
I teach personality types (how to spot them quickly in other people and how to deal with them) and if you contact me and we’ll schedule a skype session, I’ll give you an overview for free if you’re interested. It will not make your boss any better, however that understanding might be eye opening and you will get why it’s the two of you and not anyone else and what behavior on your part triggered their behavior in turn. From there you will be able to make a better decision on how to move forward and how to get your boss to communicate with you.
And whatever you decide to do – leave or stay – at least you’ll have all the WHY questions answered that are floating around in your head and you’ll have space for more creative and energizing thoughts again :)
Best regards
Anja
Target turned tigress Said,
July 9, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. To some extent, I agree with Anja that you and your boss probably do have different personality/temperament “types” , and understanding those differences can be helpful as they relate to work style, etc., but that’s only useful if the other person is actually reasonable and does not have a bullying agenda.
What many of these readers have missed is that it is NOT just you who is being singled out like this–one other person is receiving the same kind of treatment. How well do you know and trust your colleague? I would say the the two of you need to support each other, and both of you need to make a complaint to someone at least two levels above your boss. Don’t bother with HR–they just side with upper management and reframe it all as an “interpersonal conflict”. If you do have a union or professsional association rep, having two of you make the same kind of complaints and be able to verify the behavior will carry a lot more weight than just one of you filing a grievance or complaint individually. BEFORE you take any steps, I highly recommend that you read Namie & Namie’s book “The Bully at Work” .(No, I’m not getting commissions for this, but I wish I’d come across this book earlier rather than later in my own misadventures with a workplace bully because it’s really helpful in terms of the very specific strategies for helping targets (“victims”) to bully proof themselves and to bully-bust.) Another fairly good resource is a web site called Bullyfreeatwork.
If you are systematically having your work taken away from you and it is being reassigned to people who do no have the qualifications for the position, it looks to me as though your boss might be moving toward a constructive dismissal. If you have not already done so, start documenting all these incidents as meticulously as you can–dates, times (if possible) and an objective, depersonalized description of the incidents. Don’t let this go on too long (re the re-assignment of work to a lesser qualified colleague) or it will look like you tacitly agreed to the changes in your job description. You need to start looking for a really good employment lawyer who specializes in constructive dismissal and defending people who have been bullied at work. You also need to make sure you have a really good support network in place to see you through this. Whatever else happens, try not to internalize your boss’s negative behaviour and attitudes toward you. I definitely agree with all the readers who are telling you to dust off your resume and get something else lined up (A tough thing in this economy, I know.) because it is marginally easier to get another job while you’re still employed. More importantly, you need to get out of that place before it does real damage to your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, not to mention your self-esteem and self-confidence. Empower yourself to deal with this cruddy behavior and remember the shame belongs with your boss for his behavior–not you. I wish you the best of luck and the best possible outcome for you.
Kevin Carson Said,
July 9, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
If, as Mike suggested, the bosses are giving the reader less to do because they can’t legally fire him or her, I’d just sit back and enjoy it. When I watched Office Space and saw that guy getting paid to sit in the basement and be left alone, my immediate (and second, third and fourth) reaction was “where can I get a job like that?”
At my job, they pile as much work on as few people as they can, and by the end of the day my nerves are rubbed raw from having to deal with people.
andrew Said,
July 10, 2009 @ 4:05 am
Quit. There is no upside in a place like that. Given that poor management has been promoted into other areas and replaced with more poor managers, your employer’s organization is likely rotten to the core.
Ken Ferry Said,
July 10, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
You’ve received lots of advice already, much of it conflicting. I won’t trouble you with more except to encourage you to do everything in your power ( I know, even that is hard for you to define right now) to avoid doing anything that could come back to haunt you later. Does your manager/employer deserve to have their pants sued off? Probably. Would you feel vindicated after winning such a law suit? Maybe, but it would be a hollow victory. Would winning, or worse, loosing, such a lawsuit have a negative impact on any future employment? Most definitely, despite laws to the contrary.
Also, remember that “leaving” can include a lateral, promotional, or even geographical move within the same corporation if it is large enough to accommodate such. Your former director was promoted out of the way. Perhaps you could reestablish contact with him/her. If you were able to get along with this person in spite of their having no people skills, you just might be a blessing to someone. If you choose this path, take extreme care to burn no bridges behind you. you never know…
Finally, however and to wherever you leave (assuming you do), remember that you will be packing your own baggage along with you. So, do take the time as recommended above to do some soul searching in order to make this a time of growing.
Target turned tigress Said,
July 16, 2009 @ 5:10 am
@Kevin– I completely agree with you about there being many ways to “leave” an unpleasant position, and I definitely agree about not burning bridges. Hopefully the person who is in this situation has some allies elsewhere in the company who can be trusted and who might be able to provide some leads to other jobs (either within the company or at a different employer).
I wouldn’t necessarily advocate going straight for the jugular and suing the company, but I would stress that it’s a good idea, if there’s a potential for a wrongful dismissal or constructive dismissal to occur to be really aware of one’s rights under existing employment laws. It’s about educating one’s self about one’s rights and having an advocate who can help you use language that employers understand very clearly. At the very least, this individual is entitled to a fair severance package in the event of a dismissal–and a lawyer can review the offer or help negotiate what’s best for the employee out of court. Sometimes all it takes is a really good letter written or ghost-written–by a lawyer to get difficult employers to back off or down.
DH Said,
July 17, 2009 @ 11:22 pm
Such a lot of good comments and suggestions here. I agree that law suits often end up messy and the complainant may or may not get some money out of it but they never seem to get another job,
Sometimes just a well directed question as to the legality of the situation might be enough to wake someone up to the problems without going down teh formal route.
I was in a situation where I was bullied by other members of staff , at my own level, and in the end, my GP even offered to sign me off sick until I got a new job because he saw how ill it was making me. I didn’t go sick but I did get out and have never regretted it. Today in my current job , I got a letter from my manager saying how well I had done in the last 6 months. It made me feel so much better . I am not any different now from when I was in the previous job, I work just as hard and am just as committed but now I feel valued and I love it. Keep looking, you are worth it!
transitvans Said,
July 30, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
Definitely begin looking for a new job. If you find anything promising, then quit.
Trevor Said,
July 31, 2009 @ 11:44 pm
If he doesn’t want to talk with you, then you should stay quite while looking for new job at the same time. Reason behind this is simple – you don’t have power in your hands!