How not to let annoying people annoy you

Keep your cool at work

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.
– Aristotle

Let’s get one thing very straight: The vast majority of people you meet at work are nice, caring and considerate. They go out of their way to be polite, they help if they can and they truly care about the well-being of people around them.

Yes, there are inconsiderate, annoying jerks out there sure, but they are a minority. They may seem like they’re everywhere (just read Bob Sutton’s excellent book The No Asshole Rule for some great examples), but that’s only because we tend to let annoying people take up more mindspace, making them more visible than their numbers warrant.

So how do you deal with annoying people at work?

Outside of work, you can walk away. If your cab driver is a jerk, you can get off and take another cab – odds are you’ll never see him again. If the person sitting next to you in a bar is annoying, you can get up and leave. At work though, you’re not free to leave that easily. In most cases you’re more likely to want to stay and resolve the issue.

The very best strategy is to become less angry. If you can fix it so that it takes more to trigger your anger reflex, you will enjoy greater peace of mind and be more free to act decisively and constructively when you are treated badly at work. You will also be less affected by any petty annoyances.

With that in mind, here are some strategies that can help you become less annoyed on the job. Try some of these thoughts, the next time someone or something really gets your goat at work.

1: Staying calm means you don’t do something you regret later
Sometimes when you get really mad, you may end up doing something rash. If you can stay calm, you’re more likely to choose constructive actions.

2: Getting mad often means staying mad
If you get annoyed here and now, that bad mood may last for a long time.

3: When you stay calm, you really annoy those who want to annoy others
If that person is truly out to annoy you, the very best way to annoy them back is to stay cool. Deny them the satisfaction of getting you riled. They hate that.

4: You only harm yourself
Getting annoyed really harms no one but you.

5: Getting annoyed makes it easier to get mad the next time
You start a cycle of anger – which means it takes less and less to set you off.

6: Dreaming of revenge is bad for you

This is certain, that a man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.
– Francis Bacon

7: Getting annoyed makes the memory stronger
Anything you experience while having a strong emotion, will be etched permanently in your mind. This is why some people can remember every little detail of that incident 8 years ago where some jerk cut them off on the highway. The problem is that the memory becomes so strong that it keeps coming back to you and keeps annoying you for years.

8: Instead of getting mad at annoying people – feel sorry for them
Jerks are very often jerks because they feel bad themselves. Hating them is really a waste of time – feel sorry for them instead.

9: Sometimes you’re at fault and blowing up just makes it worse
Sometimes it turns out, that the whole thing is actually your own fault. If you previously blew up at someone, then you look really silly…

10: It’s not about you
Most jerks you will meet are not really out to get you, personally – this is how they treat everyone.

11: It may not be intentional at all
Maybe they have absolutely no idea that they’re annoying you.

12: Losing your temper makes you look bad
Even if you’re in the right in the situation, if you lose your temper you can end up looking silly, petty or unreasonable.

13: Laugh about it
Most workplace jerk behavior is annoying sure, but when you really look at it, it’s mostly pathetic and ridiculous. Laugh at it, rather than get annoyed.

14: Is it a case of projection?
Few things annoy us more than other people displaying the same weaknesses and faults as we fear we have ourselves. If a person really, really ticks you off, maybe that person is just making you think about some weak sides you’d rather not admit you have.

15: Maybe it’s an honest mistake
And most of all: People make mistakes. Don’t read too much into it when people do inconsiderate things. It may simply be an honest mistake.

The upshot

I want to make one thing very clear: I’m not saying that you should put up with behavior that annoys you. This is not about being meek and humble and never complaining about the mistakes that others make. This is about not getting angry over annoying people, because getting angry is rarely good for you.

Once in a while, getting angry may be just the ticket. It can be exactly what’s needed to unlock a tight situation. I wrote about one such case here – the time I learned to say “no!” at work.

But as Aristotle said – it’s not about getting angry, it’s about getting angry in the right way. And in most situations, keeping your cool is better for you, and produces better results.

77 thoughts on “How not to let annoying people annoy you”

  1. When you’re about to get mad, get aware. Observe your mind. Do not judge. Just observe.

  2. Thanks for this article. I have been having problems with a housemate who I think is a complete jerk. I’ve tried to be mature about it but can’t help being angry everytime I see him and consumed by negative emotions. I’m going to try and use point eight and feel sorry for him.

    Luckily (for me) he will be moving out soon.

    “8: Instead of getting mad at annoying people – feel sorry for them
    Jerks are very often jerks because they feel bad themselves. Hating them is really a waste of time – feel sorry for them instead.”

    I think this should help get me through the next week or so. It’s interesting that even though I would like to think about it logically, it’s quite hard when the emotional side (eg anger, resentment, annoyed) dominates. “Emotional hijacking”.

    Recommended: “Emotional Intelligience” by Daniel Coleman (http://www.allconsuming.net/item/view/326936)

  3. There is one other way that people, at least in my office, tend to resort to. They just channel that energy and apply a bit of creativity to it. The results are wonderful, and I have founf the same happens in many other places as well. Quite a good gallery of examples here (artworkfromtheworkplace.wordpress.com)

  4. All sounds like pure logic to me. If you are reading this article and all of this is something you never knew, then you might have some problems :P

  5. While I appreciate your list of advice and like the fact that people care about not getting mad, some of the advice you give is very impractical or even negative sometimes. For instance:

    “3: When you stay calm, you really annoy those who want to annoy others
    If that person is truly out to annoy you, the very best way to annoy them back is to stay cool. Deny them the satisfaction of getting you riled. They hate that.”

    The goal really should be go get everybody calm, NOT annoying the annoyer even more. I agree 100% with you that most of the time staying calm in the face of a fuming opponent drives them even madder. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a generic solution in such case. You can try to empathize and say things like “I am so sorry you feel this way. It must be really hard on you”. This works sometimes and is often advertized as a universal diffuser but my experience is that it’s a lot less effective than advertised. Sometimes, people are rightly pissed and this kind of statement can drive them over the edge. For example, let’s say you have a romantic partner who’s been faithful but you cheat on him/her and they confront you. Saying stuff like “I am so sorry you feel this way” will probably get you punched (if not worse). They want you to be emotional, maybe even angry so you can have the slap-kiss thing happening:-)
    I know it’s a long stretch but the point is the truth in your saying that sometimes it is your fault and being calm about it pisses people off. However, it’s very hard to know when it’s your fault. So if you figure out a universal and objective way to distinguish who’s fault it is and make both parties less annoyed, I’d be happy to hear it. But until then, I’d refrain from giving the advice above.

    “4: You only harm yourself. Getting annoyed really harms no one but you.”
    Completely untrue – you can hurt a lot more than yourself. Both literally and figuratively. Getting annoyed and scratching the annoyer’s car in the parking lot obviously hurts them as well, if only on a superficial level. It may contribute to escalating the situation but then again it may not. Shrinks have recently begun to realize through brain studies that revenge triggers pleasure centers in the brain and CAN (but doesn’t always) relieve stress like no other technique out there. Apparently revenge also improves your hormonal balance and your immune system (again most of the time but not always). That’s why it’s favored by evolution as a genetic feature (as several studies have shown).

    The far more important fallacy of your point 4 comes from the fact that when we get pissed, we need to vent and the ones that we usually give shit to are the ones that are most receptive – people that care about us (i.e. family, friends, SO, etc). So we do hurt quite a few other people without even realizing it. So when you vent profusely, you “transfer” some of that negativity to them, so they have to vent and “transfer” it to others and so on. There is study out there that basically claims that the basis for the proverb “what goes around, comes around” is a combination of this negative emotion “transfer” process and the six degrees of separation theory. Basically very soon, the shit you gave people you knew comes right back to you.

    Anyways, my point is that I am fairly convinced that you cannot give or accept advice when it comes to dealing with other people. Any rigid pattern of behavior (i.e. following 10 or 15 or 1000 advices) is bound to not work. We simply don’t know enough scientifically about human nature to draw such conclusions. Sometimes being nice and calm helps, sometimes you need to tell the annoyer to fuck off so they know your boundary and don’t lose respect for you, sometimes you need to say you’re sorry, sometimes all you have to do is reach out and help. No universal solution, not even close to a general advice. Your best bet is probably to realize that the vast majority of events in your life is ruled by luck. So don’t sweat it and say “i’m sorry” and “thank you” as often as you can. But keep that little devil inside you handy for the time when you are truly dealing with an asswhole and saying “fuck off” has a positive effect:-)

  6. I am letting people upset me when they say crule and mean thigs about me and I would like to know what I should do so I wont get
    so upset. It seems that they seem to enjoy upseting me.

    I love people and enjoy helping others, but for some reason there are some people that simply say crule and and unkind thangs to get me
    upset.
    Please email soon and I will appreciate your advise..
    thank you:

  7. I just emailed and prehaps I found the wrong thing over the internet,
    I was just seeking advise on what I should do when people say crule things to me to get me upset.
    thank you:

  8. @nobody: wow, that’s a lot of energy! I read your post and I’m with you. If you re-read the 15 tips, I think you might agree that Alexander and you do see eye to eye. He’s given 15 possible scenarios, but I don’t think he meant that to be all-encompassing. Of course, there are always going to be other possibilities and you will have to use your best judgment at any given moment. Like anything.

    Now, this might sound like splitting hairs, but I think there is a difference between taking revenge and phantasizing about it. Dreaming of revenge is a mental exercise that etches bad feelings into your brain. It is something you do to yourself, not something someone else does to you. Taking revenge is action. It’s physical and feels great. But that’s where #1 comes in. Don’t do something stupid you’ll later regret. Revenge has to come in a form that you won’t be punished for later on. I think of an old soap opera where Alexis got revenge on Crystal by taking over a rival company and putting that goody-goody hypocrite out of business. That had to feel good, yes? And she didn’t do anything unlawful. Keying your co-worker’s car is illegal and will land you in a pot of hot water if you get caught. It’s much better to pour battery acid on the hood, so as not to set off the alarm. Make sure it is dark, desserted, and you’ve planned your getaway. Since it costs money to recycle old car batteries, you can find old batteries in alleys and along country roads. Just be careful and use gloves when handling the caustic chemicals. You’ll feel like a complete idiot if you injure yourself while trying to get your revenge. But it might also cure you from doing it again.

    If staying calm pisses someone off, just imagine what laughing at them or engaging them in their anger will do! Naturally, if they get violent, you won’t want to remain calm. Grab something, hit them with it and run. Keep your weapon in your hand so you can hit them again, as needed to make them stop.

    Whatever you decide to do, in my opinion #1 and #12 are the most important. Don’t do anything you will regret later and nothing is more important than appearances. See, here is where the real trouble with anger lies. No one cares who’s right, who’s wrong or who’s on first. Who *looks* like a winner, a loser, or a janitor after a food poisoning outbreak?

    We are trained in our present day society to attack anyone afflicted with anger. We are told that angry people are dangerous and taught to fear them and loathe them. So if you come off as an “angry person” you won’t even be given the chance to present your side of the story, and there is nothing you can do about this, so just give in. I know that this will come off as cynical, but to those who doubt my sincerity, just remember that those wonderful forefathers of ours who built our society were very often angry men and women. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, the writers of the Magna Carta, the French Revolutionaries, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, WTO protesters, and so on. Even Moses was pissy. They did not *look* angry, but you don’t starve yourself or kill in the streets without a little anger driving you onward. They were taking their revenge, so their anger was engaged and focused. Anger is an energy. If you don’t use it can shake you apart. Like an engine red-lining but the clutch is out.

    Personally, I’m very angry. Happy people can be fun but they can also be boring and unproductive. I’ve had a shitty life. But I take a religious bent. It’s God’s fault. So when he’s ready, things will become fair. Until then, I just have to grin and bear it and try not to get caught.

    @Roberta, what do you do when someone insults you? I don’t have all the answers, but here is my humble suggestion. I sigh loudly, roll my eyes and open my mouth as if to speak. But I close my mouth as if to say, “never mind,” then walk a way. If it’s another girl, smile at her boyfriend. If it’s a boy, throw your chest out and walk like a woman as you show him the fine piece of ass that will never be his. If your ass is not fine, then make it fine. A beautiful body is gift, and it’s not that hard to look good. You’re a woman right? If you answer yes, you’re 90% there already. Just follow up on the last 10% with diet and exercise. Mastery is the best revenge.

  9. Hi Roberta.

    Hopefully this little social experiment of mine will give you some hope. If you do decide to try this then please note that I work in a fairly highly skilled job and am not easy to replace. If you are in the position of being considered expendable then doing this is probably not a good idea.

    What I noticed some time back is that annoying people seem to always want something from me whether it is my time to sort out a mess that they have made or simply to insult me in front of others to try and show everyone that they are socially dominant.

    The fact that people seemed to go out of their way to do this sort of thing got me to thinking that they must be getting some value out of making my life difficult or they would not be behaving in this fashion.

    After mulling these events over decided to see if the law of supply and demand applied to human relationships. Began decreasing the amount of time spent making the lives of coworkers easy to see what the reaction was.

    The secret is to resist passively and always be busy. Try to avoid or delay contact as much as possible by doing the following:

    1. Take a long time to answer the calls of annoying people (applies to those of us who have call line ID).

    2. Pretend to not fully understand what the person who is badgering you wants and have them explain several times (use the excuse that your boss walked in and you had to take the ‘phone away from your ear listen to him as he had something urgent to tell you so now they need to give you their little speech again).

    3. Take on projects from more senior people in the organization and do them so well that the senior managers understand that you are busy and not always able to attend to your antagonists work or email immediately.

    4. Only treated annoying coworkers in this way and be really well behaved with everybody else.

    5. Try to stay away from the most irritating of people at social functions.

    My experience with this was that the people being experimented on at first seemed to be in denial and carried on bashing their heads in the brick wall that had been made just for them.

    As time moved on the message that was being sent to them subtly seemed to sink in a bit and they then tried the same tactics on me which was great because a menace free environment was actually what I wanted.

    After about 3 weeks another attempt at getting under my skin was launched which was decidedly worse that the initial bad treatment that yours truly was receiving. Went on for a week or so and then stopped completely.

    The odd ass still tries his luck but by and large most of these people seem to be completely intimidated now and either try to be friendly or keep things short and sweet.

    If you do try this please just remember to stand your ground and don’t stop because someone is making a scene about your lack of co operation.

    The previous antagonists will probably resent you for a long time to come and you will have to be careful of them forever but that is still better than being treated badly.

    Frank

  10. I have a bit of a different issue going on. The person that is annoying me is not intentionally doing anything wrong. It is just her personality that grates on me. I think other people actually find her quite pleasant. I am unable to overlook some of the qualities in her personality that make me cringe. It is to the point that I am saying things under my breath when she says things out load to other co-workers. Some of the annoyances are that she is a brags about her family, she uses a fake lilting voice when she speaks on the phone and she tries to get me to side with her about things that bother her about other people we work with. I am really just fed up with seeing and hearing her day after day. Any suggestions for how to alleviate the stress this is causing me?

  11. Jimmy, you scary freak. Maybe a future in the pen can bring you down from your high and mighty ego. You need to ignore this dumbass and the chicks at school, so you can focus on school. Your English is horrible. I’m not kidding. You write like a 6th grader – misspelled words and bad grammar – and you cuss like a low life. You don’t need an article on anger. You need a parent who loves you enough to beat the bejeezuz out of your egotistical ass and take your pride down a notch or two. Rob may be annoying to you, but you are a psychopath without meds. This is a clear case where you are the problem, not your enemy. From you yourself wrote, if I were a chick, I’d run away from you too. My experience with girls is that when one seriously criticizes you, you had better pay attention, because her advice will make you a better man and you’ll get more of what you want when you change yourself. Your problem is your pride and lack of discipline. You have your priorities all wrong and you therefore have an excess of anger and hatred that will haunt you well into your future. As long as you have these excesses, they will find someone to direct themselves at causing you to alienate yourself further, which of course will be their fault, so you re-create more anger and hatred and the cycle goes on. You need to swallow your bitter pride, discipline yourself, and get your priorities straight: 1. Parents/Family and God/Morals. 2. School. 3. Friends. 4. Job. Way at the bottom of the list is this Rob character.

  12. Hi a girl a work decided i was a stalker which was very nasty of her.
    and she tried to convince other people that i was.

    Just a bunch of coincidences that made her incorrectly think i was i didn’t know that she was thinking it.

    when i first met her she asked me to join her everyday, i didn’t mind it was nice to think of having a regular friend.
    she lost her temper one day because I spoke to someone else another girl.
    at that time we had been meeting each other for 3 months at work.

    i kept my cool and listened as she attacked me left right and centre.
    but then we became like casual chatters in the coffee dock.
    i then made a discovery she had made friends with all my friends.
    but i kept myself to myself. then I was included with her on an outing.
    by a different friend.

    i think she was trying to make up. i since discovered she wanted to prove to her riends how much i was a stalker and how stupid she thought i was as she kept turning up everywhere i was. one day i lost my temper back that day i regret.

  13. Jennifer, I totally agree with you. I am in the exact! same position, except instead of a work setting I am in a school setting, and I find myself muttering things under my breath when she speaks to my other friends. This girl is not very well liked but of course everyone pretends to like her. I just can’t stop myself from thinking such negative thoughts around her, and finding every little thing that she does annoying. Like Jennifer, it is just her personality, not necessarily her fault, as she is the middle child, is heavily diagnosed (by me) with Middle Child Syndrome, and has complained about the fact that her little brother gets all the attention because he has a social disorder, a form of autism. Part of me feels sorry for her and appreciates the fact that I am an only child and I do not live the life she lives. But another part of me absolutely cannot stand her- she’ll act like we’re best friends in some instances, hanging all over me and sweet-talking me, and then at other times (not just PMS) she is a complete and total bitch and freaks out at every little thing and goes crying to her mother about it (not necessarily things I’ve done, as I would not sink so low as to treat her like crap, but things that happen in general). And her b-day is tomorrow, and she thinks that everyone cares and is going to get her something. Every Music Theory class we have (every other day), she has a birthday countdown. Today was my best friend’s birthday, and she saw the birthday sign I had for my BFF, and she was like, ” I’m going to be getting one of those tomorrow, right?” as if she expected me to make HER one of those, too. Part of me says to just make her a sign because that would just make her so happy, but the other part feels like she wont fully appreciate the act of kindness I would be doing for her (I have felt reason to believe this as she has not been appreciative in the past) and says, “why should I make her a sign? she only expects one and I would be giving in to her expectations.” Please give me some ideas on how to deal with this annoying girl and perhaps get me to realize that I might be doing something wrong. I know that I should always do the right thing, but I’m not quite sure what the right thing is, here. Thanks!

  14. Hey James, look, I’m 13 too, in your situation (since all your friends are there) avoid sitting next to him or across him. Tell him, when you have a chance to stop annoying you. And if it gets any worse, like really really bad, your going to have to bring your mom or dad into it.

    Sorry if this was a dumb answer

    MEGAN (I rock!)

  15. thanx for a good article that is there to redeem the usifulnes of one self.i had that problem especially at home with my sister in law whom i used to stay with.sometimes she could lie to the brother that i had done something and that would inflate me with anger to a point of bursting.but tell you what from the day i had some talks with my friend who told me the same as we have read.and from the time that i say myself always annoyed i discoverd that it was growing chronic to an extent of developing into heart problems it retreated and i saw things moving till now.

    love you bra

  16. There is someone I know that has been thoroughly annoying me for years, and its virtually impossible to stay away from them because they are in the same classes as me at school. What I’m about to say would also really tick people off if they were in the same situation – She contantly copys everything I do, and shows off and uses herself and her friends to make me scared. I have no idea why she copys everything I do, she even sits and walks the same way, she buys the same things as me and makes sure I can see it, and makes sure she gets a bad reaction from me so she gets what she wants. I know its not just a temporary thing and I know she not “accidently” doing it, it has gone on for far too long. Im so sick of it! Anyway thanks for the helpful article I’ll make sure I make use out of it.

  17. I get mad cause the guy I live with is LAZY!!!!!!!!!! He doesn’t pick up after himself, never puts anything away, lays on the couch all the time when he is home and watches sports, news and stock market and sleeps…. I can’t take it. Oh ya, I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he won’t change…
    I’mnot married to the jerk thank god…. Never will either…. Him and I are like two worlds apart.. He is 53 going on 100 and I am 47 going on 21….

  18. We all become or have been annoying at one point,but there are some people who have been told what that annoying habit is, and still continue to do it. I have had to deal with that a few times in my life. What has worked for me, and it may do so for you is to just ignore them and avoid them AFTER you have informed them of what’s eating at you, if they don’t stop or make an effort to stop then preserve your sanity by letting them go. I think the key thing is to evaluate like the article says whether your projecting. I have caught myself doing this many times, often my anger had nothing to do with that person but I did not explode so no one knew and I was able to make peace with no problem.
    I think we all have to remember that we are different, so we think differently and act differently. Even if its annoying taking a step back to see if its truly destructive is a good idea before making a judgment call that you may never be able to take back.

  19. I am a teacher of English as a foreign language, and I am destined to a new school, like a lot of other colleagues, because our system of work comes from being put out by the actual government. A new colleague thinks that I am put at a place that could have been hers. So when I ask the name of the book they are using in the 1st course ( the students are only given fotocopies of some pages ) she says she does not remember.
    I was trying to find the book’s name on the net and I came to this page!!!

  20. I am a teacher of English as a foreign language, and I am destined to a new school, like a lot of other colleagues, because our system of work comes from being put out by the actual government. A new colleague thinks that I am put at a place that could have been hers. So when I ask the name of the book they are using in the 1st course ( the students are only given fotocopies of some pages ) she says she does not remember.
    I was trying to find the book’s name on the net and that led me to this page!!!

  21. Me and my friend Poppy love this website as two annyoing girls in our form are out to annoy us a lot. Just this history lesson they were turning our computers off and generally harassing us. We hate them but we’ve stayed cool.

  22. Thanks for your comments on staying cool when someone tries to upset you at work. They are jerks, and they are also nasty for wanting to upset you in the first place! I agree, feel sorry for them, and you could perhaps laugh when they are being nasty too as this could annoy them, and make them feel silly too..

  23. Thank you so much for this article! I really enjoyed all of the pointers. All of them were very thought-provoking and definitely changed my viewpoint towards my anger situations.

  24. i read the tips above, but the advice seems to be basically, dont let it annoy and just put up with it. In my experience, if someone is out to annoy you, they will keep on doing it until it pisses you off. The passive approach above doesnt work. I would prefer to have seen some actual proactive solutions such as how to tell the person to stop annoying you, when to tell them, what kind of language to use, etc. so, crap advice above, it doesn work.

  25. wow this article is true. My so called “best freind” has been annoying me ever since i met her. All she talks about is her boyfreind. Thats all i really hear. and im sick of it. and just really her and general annoys me. idk why but it gets on my nerves. its such a relief to know people get annoyed by other things too and im not the only one.

  26. Whew…. this could get a little complicated, but I’m about to lay down the infrastructure of this behavioral pattern and here’s the reality of the situation. The pattern of annoying somebody is either done two ways in life, intentionally or unintentionally. When it is done unintentionally, it is naturally performed out of an act of ignorance. For example, bad table manners or having bad breath. The person in question is not as aware of their reality as much as you are. The truth is that their reality is *more simple* than yours. They aren’t perceptive about their body or the way they behave on the same level of awareness that you are at. What’s amazing is that majority of people aren’t even aware of how they even behave. Essentially they have never taken the time to truly observe themselves thus being ignorant from your perspective. From their perception they aren’t doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, this also raises the question of what is truly considered right and wrong from one’s perspective to another’s. For simplicity’s sake I’m going to base the value of this information from what is socially acceptable in a typical American society. Ne ways, if this ignorance is constant, confronts your daily life, or you really want it to stop; you *need* to bring this to their attention because they don’t realize that what they are doing is annoying…. in general. However, if this disturbance only occurs as a small blip in your lifetime, for example, a stranger accidentally knocks you over in the subway or the chump sitting across from you on the bus that keeps asking for your phone number. This is temporary and recognizing this will allow you to sleep safely at night. I have seen some people fret over the dumbest things weather it be the guy that flipped them off driving or a rainy day. It’s temporary and will pass so… chill. Getting angry at trivial experiences is lost energy.
    On the other end of the spectrum, annoyance acts done intentionally, are nothing more than one of our genetically programmed value tests. By becoming angry it means that you have failed the value test. All of us have this logic programmed into us, however most of us have not defined what is really going on so we create these “guidelines” to help steer us in the right direction. In reality these people still don’t know what is happening on a deeper level. Higher status individuals in our society or the “cooler” (note this) people we know pass every single one of these tests which is what gives them this value. Think about it… a person who tries to annoy you, without realizing it, gives you the power of *reaction*. In essence, you have the power to react any way you want to the situation. Keep in mind that they are testing you and by giving into this test by getting angry not only gives them their power back, it also reinforces it. This is bad! To take away their power in this setting you need to *truly* ignore them or just give them that knowing smile and shake your head because you know what they’re up to. Almost like a father smiles at his daughter for doing something bad because he knows that she’s doing something bad and has been caught. Hence, another value test. Keep in mind that this is one way to maintain value. Unfortunately, if you choose the second option be prepared to have your value tested a lot more. They will constantly test your value until they have enough proof that they think you‘re worthy. I could write on this stuff forever, but I hope this clarifies things a bit. Good luck with these “annoying people” the D

  27. I really agreed with what the commentator called “nobody” said above. I agree with MOST of what Alex wrote in the article above and I’m thankful and appreciative for his advice. Thanks again, Alex. But like the commentator called ‘nobody’ above wrote; there are, sadly, those types of annoying people who just “TEST” your limits… and they will– annoying A-holes that they are– keep on ‘testing’ your limits until you counter-react/attack forcefully to them and tell them to “get the H&%^%k off your back!”.

    If you stay quiet and calm and peaceful in front and in face of a person who has NO APPRECIATION whatsoever of such qualities– and even worse– mistakes such qualities as WEAKNESS— than with such a person you are left with NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE but to “speak their {arrogant} language” and have them ‘back off’ and respect your boundaries, if be and if it comes to that, in a forcible way.
    Personally, I will admit to having an ‘anger problem’. But like the commentator called ‘nobody’ wrote above, I have also experienced, personally speaking, that keeping the anger bottled in and controlled, can be— not always— but many times, destructive for the person doing so. Venting out is a release. Venting out anger releases it. I agree with Alex, that you may often re-live this anger-episode because it was so emotionally distrubing… but, how about it being more disturbing, if you keep remembering how the episode made you angry– and you never responded? Doesn’t that make you feel un-human? Un-emotional? What if you keep remembering that episode with that terrible feeling of regret; saying to yourself: “I should had responded so-and so… How did I remain quiet and docile, when I should had stood up for myself (or someone else)?”— “Why did I NOT act when acting mattered?”

    This is my 50 cent. Anger, like all emotions, is yet another feeling that has been planted into us, humans, by God. God certainly had a good reason for planting — yes, even anger– into us. It (anger) allows you to hold on to yourself and your values, to make your boundaries, make other people respect them and know them. Anger is destructive too, I know this too. But not having anger, or stifling it/ignoring it at some times, is no good thing either.

    I’d be happy to know what any of you think about my assesments.
    Thank you and God bless.

  28. I really like the advice on 4,5,and 6, which made me realize why I feel like blowing up on my irresponsible friend every time i see her. Also it makes me want to improve so there wont be a next time. :)

  29. My job puts everyone understress so when your boss or co workers snap or annoy you sometimes its best to find another place to wrk if that environment doesnt suit you, my problems not that serious but i’ve thought about it becuase these are the people you spend 40 hours a week with and sometimes you just can’t see eye to eye.

  30. In Malaysia’s School,if you are chinese or indian,you will 100% get annoy by the Malay,the Malay treat other race very fucking bad,some time even worse they joke about blackmailing,most of the Malay think them self are gangster,but they didn’t even realize they are stupid than shit,the malaysia government now runnning a project called 1 Malaysia,it mean all race in Malaysia should live in peace,but I think the project will fucking fail if the Malay keep treating us like immigrant not malaysian

  31. I learned a lesson years ago that has worked for me.

    A woman came into my office and went off on me during the tension of year end activity. I started yelling back at her and we both ended up in the bosses office when he returned the next day. He chastised both of us for our unprofessional behavior. I felt outraged that I was treated the same as her after she attacked me but could not say a thing because I had lost my cool. I vowed this would not happen again.

    This was a bitter unhappy woman who they had isolated with filing cabinets from the rest of the staff in the department.

    The next year she went off again but this time just I calmly asked her to leave my office and complain to the boss. I had to repeat my calm request many times but she finally left.

    The next day when the boss came in I told him that “his girl had gone off on me again” He kind of dismissed it. Later that morning he came into my office and apologized for not taking me seriously. The office manager had giving him chapter and verse of the event and she was very complimentary of my behavior.

    I have to say I felt great. I did not allow myself to be drag down to her level. You can only control your own behavior not other people.

    A thought on carrying a grudge. There is a saying that

    “Carrying a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die”

  32. I really needed to read this, just minutes ago i had a frenchie at my job asking and demanding we were in France. I am totally calm by now, relaxed and with my mind set on the things that really matter.

  33. Anger was really driving me crazy but now i am managing it a bit .You are sure to bump onto difficult people/situations then it’s helpful to take a deep breath and detach yourself physically / mentally from the situation it is also nice to give yourself some small treat everytime you keepyour cool.Whoever reads this please pray for me to succeed in anger management

  34. If you want to go in a person’s gallery and e-mail, they will not tolerate any spamming. Spamming is called junk e-mail. It’s unwanted messages. If you make multiple posting, that IS called spamming. If you spam up junk e-mail, they’ll ban you from that web site. (Incidentally, people get yelled at for spamming.)

  35. well this is a very nice article for short-tempered people.i was never one of them but my friend was and she now laughs at things at which she lost temper.l her life is better now ,i recommend this article to every short-tempered man/women.

  36. I don’t know…WHAT IF THEY’RE STILL DRIVING YOU CRAZY AND YOU HAVE TO JUST YELL AT THEM, but you know that you’re the nice type of person??? It bugs me alot, but I try to stay calm and go along with her, but that’s just making the fire GROW! I don’t understand how I can do this without getting them angry or offended or getting them embarrassed in front of everyone…They’re very loud in quiet places and I just can’t take it anymore. I still want to be their friend but I just need my space too, and I know that I’ll never have it, only at home with my family and that’s the best time. Cause, once I go to work, I know what’s gonna happen and that just makes me not go to work as much any more BECAUSE of them… :(

  37. My biggest problem is not necessarily dealing with jerks, its dealing with people with no common sense, refuse to think for themselves, feel a sense of entitlement, and they are always right. This annoys me beyond explanation, i lose my temper and feel the need to tell them exactly what I think. I feel that the behavior of others constantly interferes with my agenda and it frustrates me..How to I control not getting mad under these circumstances?

  38. Its sad to say, but the majority of people that like to annoy you know what makes you mad , sometimes pointing out their weakness and faults will remind them of being imperfect. tick to the truth.Someone who is annoying is usually wrong about a lot of things and they can be evil.I tell people if you don’t like me don’t call me don’t look for me, don’t talk or ask about me if they ask why tell them if you like me me why are you around me, and why should i be around you.Don’t let anyone steal your happiness. Most people that appreciate you and know you are a true friend will feel the lost and improve.Some people like to find mistakes mad by good people to bring them down with them, they are jealous that you have a positive mind.Bad people have to know that there are consequences to what they say to offend.Words only work if you listen to them.

  39. somebody at my class annoys me… i won’t name her but it’s like she thinks she’s the boss and that bothers me. i just want to get on with my work and she must be so bored or something, i can’t figure it out, because she has all the time to ‘socialise’… and this is uni, ‘socialising’ with people who you don’t really know that well. it’s just not like high school. their talk, which i hear loud and clear over the partition, is totally annoying. this girl peeves me because she makes me feel like this is the end of my life, like after uni when i go to get a job and live my life i will be surrounded by assholes like her and i hate that feeling of future drudgery. i really think she has problems, that she is an angry and sad person. but i find her threatening and awful anyway. it’s hard because i want to do well and why should i allow this person to feel like they’re super great at class or whatever when it’s just not my business at all and not my responsibility and i want to do well, dammit. i don’t want to make friends, either. i just want to become a really great artist! if i had known all of this in advance, i may not have ever enrolled in stupid uni! it’s crap as hell!

  40. wow, these articales are really helpful. Even just today at my job I could feel my blood boiling. I even vented through a couple people. Which made me feel much worse through out the day. Here in my work environment, I deal with annoying people everyday. And there is no way to escape it. I’ve been told that ignoring it works, but when I do that, I still somehow end up mad. But now that I have an idea of how to deal with these kinds of people, I will be saving time, emotion, and energy in the long run.

  41. Wow! You helped me out here! I am totally pissed off by my freaking housemate who happens to be my coursemate at university too! Double bad luck I know=( he is the most annoying person I ever known! Always laughing and criticising my mistakes and show off his excellency and sometimes do pretend that he doesn’t know a thing which is like the exact opposite! I shall conclude that he is one annoying and selfish jerk!

  42. I think it’s more about information as in: The more you know about someone the less painful it is to hear them reject you. Patience is often neglected when people talk about calming anger and that seems like the obvious solution. I have a shot attention span, therefore I get angry all the time. Read books more is all I can think to remedy the situation and stay away from computers when you are angry as they have never helped me calm myself. Computers tend to work on a speed and efficiency basis and humans don’t. Enough said.

  43. Sowing resistance or anger is power. Doing nothing but observe it dose nothing but add to your problems. You must fight back or else they are just going to keep doing that. I have a more I don’t take shit from no one policy. You don’t want to insult me or annoy me in person, you might get hurt. You would have better luck pulling the pin on a grenade and holding in it in your hand then pissing me off.

  44. Someone has been continuously irritating me for years and it sucks at my ambitions and discourages me almost akin to killing me. Why should these people get away with murder? The sob is so selfish and inconsiderate. One advice I was told was if you are so angry you want to snuff somebody out go and get an ax and go to the forest and chop down a tree. I have never tried seeing I do not have an ax at the moment. But getting revenge sometimes is very nice and showing your anger in order to say to the other fuck off I think is valuable some people take things too far and temp people to kill them. The anger also eats away at your precious soul and mind seeing that there is no justice and reconciliation. There is no solution to this issue except to separate yourself from the perpetrator and have nothing to do with that person. This is the only thing that has worked for me, complete separation. Either you stay and suffer or leave and be at peace. The Bible says it clearly, “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman”

    This applies to people who make you angry not just a husband wife thing. So, I think it is better to just stay away from these DEMONS because thats what they are demons in disguise stealing your joy, GOD CURSE THEM ALL.

  45. Waaa!, all this article says is put up with it until they stop and he never does, he’s always slyly looking at me and intimidates me all the time, i try to do nothing but i just snap. What this has certified to me is that fear IS the only real respect.

  46. oh my god thank you! I’ve been having problems with a friend of mine for a while now but when it says maybe they aren’t doing it intentionally now i know not to get mad in the first place:)

  47. I’ve worked with some real mean or vengeful people. One guy just hated women… likely due to his divorce. He accused me of not being a team worker, and only thinking about what I needed to get done. But, the Bozo forgot that everything I was doing was for HIS company. (Then I remembered the day I interviewed. The, then, secretary had a scared look on her face. He had likely intimidated her too, so she quit.) Within 1.5 months, and breaking into tears the moment I walked out of the office, I sent out my resume. Within a very short time, I received an offer. Gave my notice, and got the heck out of there. A year later, I heard the guy had been through SIX more secretaries. It was a relief to get some confirmation that I was NOT the problem. Later, I had a dream, and he apologized. That really helped me feel better about it. It’s my hope he got his heart in order and didn’t harass any other women. But that wasn’t the worse experience I had been through.

    One bad work situation went on for 6 months. And a few months after I quit, I got cancer. So, people, it’s not worth it, staying at a place where the environment or an employee is toxic. Put out your resume. God doesn’t call us to be doormats or to put our health on the line for some moron (be that a boss or an employee). At least that’s my feeling. When I’ve put out my resume, the next job has ALWAYS been an improvement, and never regretted.

  48. Sorry but this is a rather idealistic article. The best strategy is to not get mad? Tell you what… I will loan my coworker to the author of this article and we’ll see how long it takes before the auther strangles my coworker! I would give it a day and a half.

    A coworker that unapologetically comes late to work by 15 – 20 minutes habitually although he only lives 15 minutes away!

    A coworker that is constantly criticizing everyone and everything but flys into a rage if he even perceives negative feedback.

    A coworker that has already been reprimanded many times over for unprofessional conduct including being haughty to people and made a female coworker cry with his insensitive remarks.

    A coworker that overtly eats while talking on the phone on work related matters with people!

    A coworker who constantly makes politically incorrect references to race and female gender but then accuses people of harassment when his work is criticized.

    A coworker who is constantly booking appointments during the middle of the work day and doesn’t come back, or calls in sick if he has a case of the sniffles leaving others to carry the workload.

    A coworker who is talking to his wife on the phone in a belittling way in the workplace.

    A coworker who thinks nothing of his loud cel phone ringtone and that it may be disturbing others?

    A coworker constantly mooching from people (even overtly asking people for a sample of their food or lunch) or gluttonously taking offerings of cookies and candy coworkers bring to share but NEVER offering anything back in return.

    Um, yeah, just ignore it and don’t get mad, huh? Easier said than done.

  49. “The vast majority of people you meet at work are nice, caring and considerate. They go out of their way to be polite, they help if they can and they truly care about the well-being of people around them.”

    That’s BS. The vast majority are just jerks who will do anything within their (tiny) power to get other people to do THEIR work. Especially the women. They are always happy to dump all their work on your desk while they go off and call their boyfriend or whoever on their cell. Another type is the one who acts offended when you don’t want to kiss their ass. You will meet very few people who are worthwhile at work.

  50. This is horrible advice. A lot of the “wisdom” above simply encourages you to sit there and take a beating. I’m the odd man out on a 3-man team in an I.T shop. The other 2 guys kiss up to the manager while sabotaging my work and constantly setting landminds for me to walk into. Having someone constantly screw you over and demean you is frustratrating at a 40 hr per week job.
    “8: Instead of getting mad at annoying people – feel sorry for them”

    OK, Let’s say I decide to feel sorry for one of the guys who constantly leaves me holding the bag. He’s in a position of power over me (in the awful office only) and he abuses it. Feeling sorry for him will do nothing to change the crappy situation I’m in. In fact, it will only serve to perpetuate it. Sometimes when you’re in a corner, you must figure out a way to fight back.

  51. It’s tough. Everytime I get involved and try to “fix” things or set things straight, it comes back to bite me. Unfortunately, when I get involved, I somehow, to some degree, become “part of the problem”. Maybe not in the boss’s eyes, but when the offended party takes it to the rumor mill and puts their spin on it… it comes back to bite me. Friendships are damaged. My reputation suffers.

    Looking back, what would I do differently? I’d not pretend I was friends with the person(s) I had a problem with. And if I could muster up the courage I’d say, “When you sit at your desk and shoot the breeze with me, while everyone in the office is working their butts off, I feel like we’re stealing from the company.” “I’m here to work. I’m getting paid to work. When I come in and all you want to do is shoot the breeze, I feel like I’m stealing from the company.” Surely that would have been enough to let the person know that I didn’t want to chat with them 20-30 minutes each morning about some non-business crap.

    My advice… try to maintain your work ethic and integrity throughout this process. Don’t lower yourself to their level. The boss may see what’s going on? You never know. And pray that God would intervene. Read about Joseph, Jacob’s son. He was buffeted and betrayed by nearly everyone he knew. But he maintained his integrity and as a result, he was elevated and promoted, beyond his imagination.

  52. My co worker was almost my best friend until just before Christmas when she emailed me while sat beside me and said “from now our friendship is purely work based”. Then when she was about to become a grandmother she told everyone she would text me and then didnt. She was pretty full on for the 7 months we worked together – buying us both fruit to eat, suggesting things to do outside work. It all came from her and then she told me I am “too intense”!!! I have been trying to keep her at arms length ever since but she seems to try and make friendly conversation every now and then. I just see it as trying to use me as someone to talk to. She has never apologised or explained her actions. I am not very responsive when she trys to talk because I no longer trust her. How do I let her know that I want to keep the convo purely work related without having to tell her out straight? I find it irritating when she tries to be friendly after what she has done. If she genuinely wanted to still be friends would she not apogise?

  53. Maria, my two cents … it sounds like she wants to be “friendly”, but for some reason, she’s unable to be “friends”. That can happen when two people are really different.

    I tend to overreact around people who are intense. I think it has a lot to do with my upbringing. All my family members were pretty quiet people. But, when my dad went ballistic, it was terrorizing. I quickly began to gauge his mood when he got home from work. “Is it safe or not?” If he started beating on the boys because their room was dirty, I’d rush to clean up my room, cower in my bed, or try to stay out of the way. That has made me VERY tuned into my environment.
    If someone is having a bad day, I feel it. If someone makes an intense phone call from the office, I feel it. If a salesperson approaches me and they’re too loud, I feel intimidated and overwhelmed.

    As I see it, you have a few choices….

    Share with her exactly what you shared with us, one-on-one, and see if her response is adequate enough for you to trust her again. Though, I wouldn’t throw all your caution to the wind. Take your time as you both rebuild that trust.

    OR

    Limit the time you spend with her… no breaks, no lunches, no walks, no long-drawn-out talks.

    OR

    Ask your boss if you can sit elsewhere. That might allow you the space you need to think things through.

    Whatever you do, try to keep the issue between you and her. Involving other co-workers too often makes the issue messier.

    Another option, which often works for me, cause I can get so caught up in the emotions…. Imagine someone you love deeply is going through the same situation. Imagine they came to you for advice. How would you counsel them?

  54. I have a flatmate, with whom ive been friends with for years, that decided that she wanted to move in with me at the begining of this year. I was so undecided about it because I knew that although i do really think that she is a lovely girl, she just knows how to push my buttons. I was going to tell her no, because i didnt want to loose my cool with her and loose her as a friend,but she went behind my back and asked the landlord who let her move in straight away.
    I already knew that part of the reason was me letting myself get annoyed and arguing back so I decided to make a change, and when ever she would correct me or told me i was wrong about something I would let it slide and just think ‘oh well thats just her’ but lately with months of ‘letting it slide’, my anger at her has just built up.
    I cant take it anymore, when im in a bad mood with her ive been trying to walk away and take myself out of the equation but she follows me now. I lock my bed room door and 5 secs later shes knocking on it asking me whats wrong.
    Should I tell her? Im really scared that I am going to lash out at her one day.

  55. She is annoying. Cut her off. She is suking the life out of you. If you can’t be bothered you can’t be bothered

  56. Expressing Anger may be difficult if you were taught to soothe over conflicts or to defer to others’ feelings. Recognize when these ‘old’ lessons have you stuffing and stifling your anger. Pleasing others at your own expense is not kind or peaceful. It’s violence to your own psyche.
    ANGER IS GOD’S GIFT, part of the essence of your humanity, a response you need to survive and to thrive physically and emotionally. Use your anger to protect and preserve your true self.
    Anger is a signal – that your rights have been violated, your needs aren’t being met, you’re compromising yourself in some way, an injustice has been done. Let anger be a catalyst to learn more about yourself and to create change for the better.
    There will be times when expressing your anger will be extremely difficult and painful. The outcome may be uncertain; you may be risking great change in your relationship. But, just as God gives you anger to protect yourself, God provides courage to take the action your anger demands. Your courage is within you. Ask God to help you find it.
    Determine what you can do; decide your priorities, change your behavior in a relationship from which you suffer, address your own unmet needs. Then express your feelings and take further actions.
    Changing a problem situation usually takes more than one confrontation with another or more than one instance of different behavior from your part.
    Be persistent. Be resolute.

  57. When a person is ACTIVELY trying to piss you off, ignoring with a smile on your face goes a loooooooooong way. I recently had a guy in my school trying to piss me off and it was working BUTTTT i made sure I always had a smile on my face and never even looked in his direction, until he bumped me…on purpose at out clinical site. I then calmly looked at him with a look of disgust and asked him ” what, you don’t know excuse me”, it pissed him off SOOOO much that he ended up looking like an ass and trying to say how he was going to take me out. He didn’t have the hindsight to NOT do this in front of people and thus he was expelled from school, I’m still in the nursing program….he’s not. What a waste of 30k in my opinion, but his lost. I’ve would have LOVED to deck the guy, BUT by being clam and collected, he made himself looked bad and me look better. Always remember, when people are watching (cameras included) you MUST look like the respectable one.

  58. I am cumar I have a problem all the poeple insults to me and hurt me pls give me a good advice

  59. I a similar issue. My friend at work recommend her friend for a position and she got hired. Her friend made me feel really uncomfortable, so I stopped hanging out with them both. I still continued conversations with my friend, but her friend, I kept it strictly cordial, just good morning and good night. Now my friend starting acting funny towards be because I don’t want to be friends with her friend. I just cut both of them off. Now the friend tries her best everyday to annoy me. She walks past my desk making nasty comments and jokes to get a laugh out of the other people. I just ignore her, but I do get angry. I don’t even give her eye contact. Ignoring does not mean that you are fearful of the person, it just means that you have no desire to participate in the whole situation. Just keep a smile on your face, I think that works better!!!

  60. “Let’s get one thing very straight: The vast majority of people you meet at work are nice, caring and considerate.”

    Where on earth do you work, and can we switch jobs? Maybe that’s true where you work, but it sure isn’t where I do!

  61. My boss had a 3 week “family emergency”. My vacation (during the 3rd week of this “family emergency” hadn’t been cancelled to visit my mom for her 88th birthday but I thought that if I went, I might feel guilty afterwards and I wouldn’t be able to take my actions back. Our department had such a busy week coming up and so I called her at home and said that I would cancel my vacation and help her get everything done so that she could have more time with this family member as her “family emergency” was winding down. Don’t you know, she left me high and dry. She can’t get through a normal week with 4 employees and overtime and she had no qualms leaving me with 3 employees AND a huge “extra” project that normally she and I would work on together. Funny thing is, I’ll write reports to help us (and saves us at least 1000 hours per year that she used to manually do) and never ever get a thank you. My reward is saving myself hours of time. She gives me most of her work while she makes sure she takes her lunch and many breaks everyday and one of the other employees in our department is on the phone at least 2 hours a day on personal phone calls. This same woman used to be on the phone or internet around 5 hours a day and then would, of course, get hours of overtime. Since I am an “assistant manager”, I had a problem with that and told my boss that was stealing. I guess 2 hours doesn’t seem like stealing. I hate being used. If I ask her a question about something I’m working on (workwise), she often will roll her eyes and act disgusted. I hate being overly sensitive but in my mind, I would think that I would be the best thing that happened to help “her” department run better. She’s the most insensitive and selfish person and it’s so sad that I need this job (that I do love), otherwise I would quit purely because of her. Hopefully, I’ve ruminated…just learned a new word, tonight…and posting it will feel like I put it out there.

  62. I think I can speak for all the category of those sad people who have like I do, anger issues whenever somebody does not respect us (=annoying people) and I think all the comments that are written here come from people who do not really suffer of serious anger issues that arise from this problem of dealing with annoying people. I apologize for my poor english, it’s not my first language. After reading this my comment I invite all of you to give advices to “us” , the people really sick because of annoying and disrespectful people, but I have to warn you that all the logic ideas that have already been exposed in previous comments just do not work with “us”, as youmay understand by reading the following ideas that run on a parallel but separate truck from your ideas. I also invite people who are part of the “family of the people with anger issues consequent to disrespect from annoying people” to coming out and give their experience to explain to the general public that the real problem is the one I am going to express now. As you will read here, the real problem is linked to the view of our existence. I would be really glad if someone among the many many websurfers could give me some smart ideas to overcome the problem and I will be back from time to time to this website to check your comments. thanks to everyone. Bye.

    So, the problem is not that we give too much weight to other opinion, actually we don’t care what other people think about us.

    The problem is simply the fact that we all think that whenever someone disrespects someone else, this is not a nice experience for the victim.

    the anger rises from the fact that we don’t see any reason to accept that bad experience and we believe that the asshole that did it should pass through the same experience because we take satisfaction from seeing the asshole become the victim lamb. this is the true deep taste of revenge: to see the asshole become angry and suffer from his anger. whenever someone disrespect us he creates pain and anger not due to the fact that we care about his opinion, but due to the fact that we care about our personal property , that is not made only of our material things, but also of spiritual things. when somebody makes poo in your garden, you are angry because of damage to your material property, when somebody poops on your person by disrespecting you, he is doing exactly the same, a damage to your property. the only real true deep relief to this damage is to know that somewhere, somehow , he knows that you gave him the same damage, ( pain and anger). He must know that you know that he is in anger and pain , and this is really something that gives pleasure. He wanted be the asshole on your skin, and now he is in his house alone thinking that you are having an orgasm by thinking that HE is angry and in pain as he was putting you before. this is called the taste of victory. the stupid asshole thought that he could play with you as if you are his puppet, he thought that he could ignore your feeling and pride, he thought that he could damage you without being damaged… and what happened instead? that HE is more damaged. in this llittle war that he started, HE lost AHAHAHAHH. what a pleasure to know that he cannot sleep and he is in the bed full with the anger that he wanted to spread in other people, what a failure HE is AHAHAHAHA, he lost the war, AHAHHA LOSER. we are competitive and we don’t like to loose, actually we want WIN. letting the asshole to win means to admit that we couldn’t win against the asshole and we prefer to win. we are not happy if we loose because we know that we can win by putting in action an adequate revenge. we feel lazy if we let it go, why? why let it go? it’s much better to fight and dominate and to know that we are the lion and the asshole is a weak lamb. and most of all we take pleasure by knowing that he knows that we know that he is damaged. If you answer me that the correct way to handle this situation is to let disrepecful words passing through as if there is nobody anymore to protect, you are just stating a philosofy of life that is in contrast with all what I wrote here.I exposed you the philosofy of triumph, victory, domination, competition, that is in contrast with all the rest.

    I think the only way to find a solution to this issue is to state that there are fights who are worth being won and other fights who are not worth loosing energies and time and our life trying to win. The real wisdom is to be able to accept that we can decide and accept to loose a fight becuase life is short and if we run after every fight people throw at us, we are constantly slowed by all the assholes around us. I can win that fight if I want but I decide to loose because I have more important things to do in life. It’s hard , it’s challenging, it’s heavy, because we have to give up our competitive and fighting nature. It’s really hard to go against our nature. it’s very innatural. Forgive is innatural and does not apply well to animals. Lions do not forgive, they just decide to save energies for some more important purpose.

    All anger issues come from the difficulty to develop the wisdom I have described. Until this kind of wisdom is not really developped, there will be anger issues because of past loss in fights concerning respect.

    when somebody crashes one window of your house, it’s heavy to be able to tell yourself: I have more important things in life that running after that asshole. it is really heavy and it is perfectly normal and natural the fact that it is so heavy. So psychologist are really just a bunch of criminal because they know their client is asking them to force their nature to a innatural change. psychologist know that but instead of saying to their client: take revenge fast and furious and you will be released, they prefer to take the money from the client who are asking them to change their mind in a direction that is totally innatural.

    about the fact that the message of Jesus/God is that forgiveness is the way to happiness, I think Jesus should be seen on the same level of all those philosofers who in the past suggested many solutions to give a antinatural happiness to people. I actually think that the concept of a God of love is totally insane as long as love is human concept, a creation of human mind as a very advanced form of live on a planet among billions of planets. it so arrogant to take a human concept (love) and attribute this totally human concept to the universe. This is a narrowminded way to humanize the universe by stating that he is run by laws (love) that are just a human creation. what a antropocentric narrow minded vision of the world.

    instead it’s very simple to understand the natural need for revenge that is written in our DNA, look at 2 scorpions inside a bottle. They cant help attack each other, becasue the only law that is written in their genes is: survive! we exist thank to this law. so in our DNa is written clearly: fight or die! and we wanna live. so it is obviously hard to give up our genetic power in order to accomplish our projects. it’s like trying to make a genetic experiment, changing our nature, that is exactly the opposite of what christian philosofy states. Christianity states that in the deepest heart of people God wrote the law of love as the only law that gives us happiness. that could be true if God=love existed, but that is not possible because love is a concept created by humans 14 billions years after big bang. in the first bilions years there was no humans, hence no love anywhere.

    so all this discussion can be summarized by a fight between the idea of faith in love, a human creation, and the human fighting for survival nature that makes that we are here to talk today. the first one is a human modern developement of extreme rationalty , the second one is existing before rationalty, and it represents who we are. now to prefer to believe in a faith that WE have created for our convenience it’s like to believe that we can fly when we cannot, its just trying the way of self illusion. self allucination. only those who are able to repress their nature will succeed, it takes a lot of utilitaristic nature= the ability to drive our nature in the direction of what our rationalty tell us like being the more useful soultion, and again this is strange as long as christianity always states that it is a not utilitaristic philosophy.

  63. Thank you so much for this. My boyfriend is friends with the single most obnoxious woman I’ve ever known. I’ve mentioned how annoying she is before, and he agrees with me (she’s also in love with him — he knows this and has rejected her on numerous occasions). I suspect my annoyance with her is partly due to her obsession with the man I love. But I can definitely relate to just feeling sorry for her. She really makes a fool of herself frequently. I definitely needed this insight. I will do my best to remain calm and cheerful around her. I need her to know I’m not going anywhere or backing down, but I’m also not going to allow her to ruin my happiness with her bad behavior.

  64. Hi nice people, if someone is annoying you and you really want to stay in peace of mind and happy, no matter what how they annoy you, let your answer to them be ” Awee thank you soo much, you are hilarious”, and no more, repeat this everytime time they annoy you, in the end they will be pissed off…. ;)

  65. Hi All,

    Annoying people are everywhere. The trick is to not let them get to you. I am currently dealing with annoying co-workers who don’t have a clue about basic manners such as not interrupting people, not barging into people’s personal space, respecting other people’s wishes and the list goes on and on and on like the Energizer Bunny.

    Let me give you specifics, I sit next to a young un who is in her twenties fresh out of school….she lives at home and doesn’t have responsibilities and thinks that the world owes her as she is ms princess. She likes to talk at people and get right up in their face. I think the lack of respect for personal space must be due to a cultural difference….she is Eastern European. She shares facts about her personal life that isn’t appropriate in the workplace. She is gossipy and juvenile. I sometimes feel like I’m an extra on Highschool Musical minus Zac Effron.

    My other annoying co-worker is in his late twenties and new on the job…going on six months. Instead of referring to his training notes or resources, he constantly asks me questions while I’m trying to work. I was accommodating at first but when I’m asked the same question fives times because he is too lazy to find the information, I tell him to refer to his notes. I think Junior is starting to get the message.

    My other annoying co-worker is supposed to be a mature professional in her forties but she acts like a twelve year old.
    Giggling and laughing for no apparent reason.. Evesdropping on telephone conversations and offering her two cents.
    She is too lazy to get her own coffee that she waits for others to go on break and expects them to get coffee for her. I used to pick up coffee for her, but I stopped when Missy didn’t reciprocate. Her priority is socializing over working. I’ve put her in her rightful place by limiting my interactions with her. She has a chatty side to her.

    My other co-worker is your quintessential brown-noser. She does anything and everything to please Management. She volunteers to distribute paperwork to the team to supposedly help out our Supervisor. She is in charge of the social committee and collects funds to get a card and decorate people’s desks on their birthday even if they don’t won’t it. I need to get a second job to fund the social crap that she plans like to get a card for a co-worker’s cat’s uncle’s wife’s grandmother.

    My approach in dealing with nut jobs is first to be nice but if the take advantage of you, get blunt and zone them out. Trust me…they will get the message.

  66. My presence in a room tends to make people anxious. If I’m setting up my gear before showtime, people in general are annoying, asking if they can help or observing the expressions on my face when I’m troubleshooting and constantly asking…”Are you alright?” Explaining to these people that I AM alright is like giving cocaine to a sloth to see if it has the ability to cross the road. I become very annoyed by constant perverted topics that I hate joining in on just to keep the social environment at an even flow. When I play the guitar…I receive a standing ovation, but they remark about the expressions on my face when I’m playing guitar and come across with accusations about drugs. I hate drugs , the entire hippie movement, (which started it), and the ideology of their version of love. Love is not sharing partners like a commune and I always think of how insulting it is that people in general link my personality/looks to that aspect. Point is…I cannot ever walk into a room without someone asking me what’s wrong! If I have a conversation with someone, I tend to look somewhere else instead of looking into their eyes. They constantly stand/sit there and try to figure out what precisely I’m looking at instead of listening to my answer. I refuse to practice in the mirror just to please these people. This has been happening since I was a child and now I’m in my 50’s and people still treat me the same. I am soooooooo tired of dealing with it.

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