• How not to manage geeks – in Italian

    How not to manage geeks

    Marco Bertola has translated one of my most popular pieces in Italian – a post that lists the 10 most common mistakes that managers of geeks make. It is consistently one of the most widely read on my blog – probably because geeks and managers still approach work in very, very different ways.

    You can find the Italian version here:
    How not to manage geeks / Come NON dirigere i geek

    Grazie Marco!

    This post is also available in:

    And of course, the original (in English) is right here.


  • How to deal with anger at work

    Dealing with anger at work

    Here’s an interesting question that I got yesterday:

    My husband and I are currently sitting on the sofa, enjoying our day off and writing down our goals for 2008. While doing so, my husband has brought up the topic of work. Here is his statement in a nutshell: I think you are very angry about work in general and need professional help.

    In searching for “help,” I came across your website.

    Here’s my question: after being laid off in September and being forced to change careers from the mortgage industry to a more secure industry is there “help” out there for dealing with the anger I now have because I was forced to change careers at 39 years old and what can I do in the meantime so that my “anger” doesn’t spill into my new career?

    Thank You,
    Yvonne

    This question is interesting for many reasons, most notably because this is obviously making Yvonne unhappy at work in her new job. If it’s come to the point where her husband believes she needs professional help, it’s probably also affecting her at home.

    Also, Yvonne is far from alone. A lot of people face major changes at work. When they are laid off, when their company is bought by a competitor or when major reorganizations fundamentally change their working conditions. Large scale change has become a fact of corporate life and many of us react to it by getting mad.

    Below you’ll find my top 5 tips for dealing with anger when when you’re going through major change at work.

    I apologize in advance for venturing maybe a little too close to therapy-land in this post. I honestly don’t want to go all Dr. Phil on you guys, but dealing with anger is not possible without taking a look at what goes on inside your head. OK? OK!

    5 steps for dealing with anger at work

    Step 1: Accept that being angry is perfectly natural
    When we’re faced with large changes in life and at work, we all have to go through the grief cycle, which has the following stages:

    1. Denial: The initial stage: “It can’t be happening.”
    2. Anger: “Why me? It’s not fair.”
    3. Bargaining: “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”
    4. Depression: “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”
    5. Acceptance: “It’s going to be OK.”

    I’m honestly not sure how scientifically established this model is, but I certainly find it very useful in the work I do with organizations that are going through major change.

    Last year, I did some work with a branch of the Danish Tax Authority – an organization that has gone through enormous change and reorganization in the last year.

    When I presented a simplified version of this model to them, I could see people breathing sighs of relief. One participant even exclaimed “NOW you tell us!” Many of them had been angry or depressed about these changes, but nobody had told them that this is normal. Consequently, many of them felt bad about what they were feeling – which of course only made them more angry or depressed.

    It’s important to accept your own anger as perfectly OK. Being angry is hard enough. Being angry while telling yourself “I really mustn’t be angry” is infinitely worse :o)

    This does not give you blanket permission to throw tantrums right and left – it just means that being angry is OK, not that every display of anger is allowed.

    Step 2: Find out what your anger does for you – good or bad
    What does being angry do for you? Think back to previous situations where you have been angry at work and ask yourself how it affects eg.:

    1. You
    2. Your relationships with co-workers
    3. The quality of your work
    4. Your energy
    5. Your well-being and health
    6. How you feel outside of work
    7. Your relationships with friends and family

    For each of these, include both the good and the bad. Maybe being angry gives you a lot of clout and influence on the job… but it also means that co-workers tend to avoid you. Maybe being angry feels stressful… but it also saves you from being taken advantage of at work.

    And here is a crucial question: What other emotions, questions and doubts are you free from dealing with because you’re angry? When your anger consumes you, which other painful or difficult considerations are you free from thinking about? What would you have to feel/think about/deal with/do something about if you were not angry?

    Step 3: Find out what makes you angrier and less angry
    What makes you angrier? Which thoughts, situations, people, conversations set you off?

    Conversely, what makes you less angry? I’m sure you’re not angry every second of every day :o) What gives you peace – or at least distracts you from the anger?

    Find out – then start doing less of what makes you angry and more of the things that calm you down.

    Step 4: Focus on gratitude
    What are you grateful for? As I mentioned above, anger is part of the grief cycle which is associated with loss. Gratitude is the polar opposite of loss, because it obviously comes from the good things you have in your life.

    It’s simple. Every evening, sit down with a piece of paper (and maybe a glass of wine) and make two gratitude lists:

    1. 3 things I was grateful for at work today
    2. 3 things I was grateful for in life today

    It can be big things or small things – obvious stuff or weird stuff. Whatever makes you feel happy and grateful.

    If you need some inspiration, check out Scott Nutter who has been doing daily gratitude posts on his blog for 334 days running now.

    Step 5: Shift your focus from “What was done to me” to “What I can do”
    I know, I know – this is the basic staple of all self-help advice.

    As in “When life gives you lemons make lemonade.”

    As in “Life is 10% about what happens to you and 90% about how you deal with it.”

    As in “You must take responsibility for your own situation, rather than be a victim of.”

    That kind of advice can get pretty nauseating. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

    3 things NOT to do

    There are also some things you should avoid doing.

    1: Don’t vent
    Common knowledge holds that when you’re angry, you should vent to get it off your chest. Interestingly, studies indicate that venting just makes us even angrier.

    2: Don’t try to justify your anger
    When you’re feeling angry don’t waste time and energy justifying it – either to yourself or others.

    Well that guy was a jerk at the staff meeting and the way I was treated in the last reorg was totally unfair and my manager still hasn’t apologized and some guy cut me off in traffic on the way home and…

    You’re angry, that’s enough. You don’t have to list all the reasons why you’re angry. Again, that just makes you even angrier.

    3: Don’t stay trapped in your job
    There is an amazing amount of peace and calm to be found in the simple fact that “I’m free to leave and find another job.” Conversely, knowing that you’re trapped in your current job makes everything much worse.

    Read my previous posts on How to lose your fear of being fired and the Top 10 advantages of low-rent living for more on this.

    Your take

    What about you? Have you tried being really angry because of major changes in your work life? How did it affect you? How did you handle it? Please write a comment, I’d really like to know!

    Related posts

    1. The Feel Factor – Why no workplace can afford to ignore what people feel
    2. How not to let annoying people annoy you
    3. How to turn around a bad day at work

  • Happy New Year. Now drop all of your New Year’s resolutions!

    2008

    I wish all the readers of this blog a spectacularly happy 2008. And I believe that one of the best way to get yourself just that, is to NOT make any new year’s resolutions.

    Steve Shapiro says it best:

    Once again it is that time of year when we look forward into the new year. We set our resolutions. Lose 10 pounds. Stop smoking. Get out of debt.

    Unfortunately, most resolutions are about fixing what is wrong with you rather than bringing pleasure into your life.

    In addition, most resolutions are target- and time-based goals (e.g., lose 10 pounds by the end of the year). These just set you up for failure. It’s no surprise that according to a survey of mine, only 8% of people are successful in fulfilling their resolutions.

    And those who do achieve their resolutions are often no happier. When you focus on a target-based resolutions, you are focused on the future rather than the present. As a result, you miss the “hidden” opportunities around you, and miss out on the joy of every day life.

    Steve, author of the excellent book Goal-Free Living, has a much better idea: Set yourself a theme for 2008. How is a theme different from a resolution?

    1. Having a theme for the year is about setting a general direction you want to move in. It’s not about having specific goals.
    2. A theme is something you want to achieve. Most resolutions are about something people want to avoid.
    3. With a theme, you can’t fail. With resolutions, you’re almost certain to fail.

    Go check out Steve’s excellent post on this topic, which also has a video of him presenting the idea in a TV interview.

    I heartily recommend having a theme for your work life in 2008. And I definitely recommend themes that have something to do with enjoying work more. But then I would, wouldn’t I? :o)

    What about you? What might your theme for 2008 at work be?


  • Who cares about your job title – tell me what you DO!

    Business card

    “What do you do for a living?”

    Whenever you meet new people, some variant of this question is bound to come up, and probably pretty early on in the conversation too.

    And here’s something I’ve noticed: When you ask people what they do, most people will give you their job title. As in
    “I’m an engineer” or “I’m a project manager” or “I’m a writer”. Or consultant, speaker, software developer, manager, contractor, freelancer, secretary, or…

    But that’s not what you do – that’s just your title. It really says nothing about you or your job, so I always find myself asking follow-up questions. “So what kind of projects do you manage.”

    Some titles DO say what you do. If you’re a pilot you fly planes. Teachers teach. Builders build. Coaches coach. But most titles are more ambiguous.

    So think about it for a moment. How much does your job title really say about what you do? And what would be a better way of telling people what it is you do in just a few words.

    Whenever people ask me, I always tell them that “I make people happy at work.” That is what I do.

    This may look like just semantics, but it matters. See, your job title is never going to make you happy at work, but knowing what you do, may. Knowing your contribution, how you add value, how you make a difference – THAT can make you happy at work.

    So now it’s your turn. Think of what it is you do in your job and put it a comment here.


  • Quote

    QuoteCreating peak experiences for employees and customers is a no-brainer. You gotta do it.

    Chip Conley

    I agree – it’s a total no-brainer! It’s also easy. And cheap. And companies who do it find that it makes them a LOT of money.

    Of course my interest is in creating peak experiences for employees – moments where you just go “MAN, I love working for this company!”

    Have you had one of those? What happened – what was the peak experience? How can your workplace give you a WOW moment?


  • “Office Lady” from Hong Kong is back – and still not happy at work

    Ask the CHOA while back I got a comment from Office Lady in Hong Kong who wrote that:

    I’ve been miserable at work and, although it took me almost a year, I eventually built up the courage, and I’ve finally quit my job!!

    I think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!

    And most of all, I’ve found a new job too! No one knows how it’ll go, but a change is definitely due and I’m looking forward to a fresh start.

    Your site has definitely pushed me on.

    :) One happy Office Lady in Hong Kong

    So how did it go? Well, Office Lady is not yet happy at work, and she is asking for our advice:

    I’m now at another job and I’m again thinking about leaving (hence I’m here again). Yes, it pays better than my last job, my boss is awesome (I don’t think how anyone can have a better boss), I have benefits and so on.

    But the work doesn’t inspire me. It’s boring. And I believe I have more potential and more to offer. My job is like acting as a middle-person, passing on requests and documents between our headquarters in the US and our regional offices all over Asia. I don’t “make” anything. I don’t make the documents. People give me documents, I give them to someone else. People give me documents, I compile them in the right order, and give them to someone else.

    In my previous job, what drove me to quit was that eventually, I actually DREADED going to work. I’d actually panic in bed on Sunday night. Here, I don’t dread it, but I just plainly find no point in going to work. I drag my work out throughout the day, just so I have enough to keep my occupied.

    Question is, should I leave just after 5 or 6 months here? And go find something that would engage me? Risk losing my income, benefits and not finding a boss as great again?

    What a great question – and one that many people face. What do you do when work isn’t all that bad, but not all that good either? Is “OK” good enough?

    What would you advice Office Lady to do?


  • It’s true – I’ve been a bad boy

    Sorry

    I must apologize – I haven’t been responding to comments on my blog at all for the last month or so and I’ve been seriously lax about it for about three months before that.

    Two readers called me on it in the comments – thank you!! I needed the wake-up call.

    I feel bad about it, because I used to pride myself on responding to almost every single comment on the blog and I want to get back to that. I have been reading all comments that come in, but that’s not enough to create a good conversation, so here’s my promise: From now on, I’ll devote time to reply to comments on the blog.

    I make this promise for one simple reason: the comments here are a continual source of inspiration for me. I have learned so much from your input, ideas, arguments and stories – and the least I can do is reply.

    So even though business is craaaaazy busy these days (wooo-hooooo!) I will not compromise on this and I will make sure to leave time in my calendar to make sure that this blog remains an interesting read and a good place to discuss happiness at work.

    You guys just have to promise to keep the great comments coming.

    Deal?


  • Thank you, Indore (India)

    Happy at work in India
    Making people happy at work in India

    I’m back. I’m beat. And no wonder – in 11 days I went Copenhagen – Chicago – London – Bombay – Indore – Bombay – London – Copenhagen.

    India, especially, was great. Going there was an absolutely amazing experience. I don’t hesitate to call it life-changing.

    I went with one big question on my mind: Will my stuff work in India? Will they like the idea of happiness at work? Will my style go over well with Indians? Will my tools and methods work in Indian workplaces? Will Indian managers see the business sense in making their employees happy?

    Happy at work in India
    Another happy Indian

    I seriously had no idea. I’ve done my thing in many western corporations, but Indian business culture is obviously very different.

    Well, my stuff works in India! Boy, does it ever work. In fact, in India, I’m a rock star :o)

    Indore Management Association annual convention
    The stage for the Indore Management Association annual convention. The place was humongous!

    First I spoke at the Indore Management Association’s annual conference where my presentation was a huge hit. People absolutely loved it as you can see from these comments.

    The next day it was on to Dewas which is a short drive from Indore where Tata has a plant that makes leather for the fashion industry. Tata is India’s biggest company, responsible for 2.8% of Indias GDP. That’s huge.

    Happy at work in India
    Making people happy at work in India

    I did one workshop for the 20 senior managers at the factory which went very well and the next day I did another full-day workshop for 45 entry-level managers which went even better. Again, people loved the message, the tools and my presentation style.

    Happy at work in India
    Making people happy at work in India

    And then to cap it off, I was taken to Indore again where I gave a presentation to the Indore Management Marshals, a group that meets monthly to discuss management. This group consisted of the member and their wives, most of whom are housewives, so I was asked to also speak about happiness in the family.

    That was a fun request, and it made me realize that about 90% of my message actually applies equally well at work and at home. And, again, I was a hit :o)

    It was a long trip home (about 24 hours) but I spent the whole time feeling quietly elated – a feeling that persists now that I’m back.

    Indore, India
    Street life in Indore

    And finally a great big thank you to:

    • The students who took such great care of me in Indore, especially Nancy.
    • Everyone at IMA. What a great event you put on.
    • Everyone at Tata Dewas. Thanks for spending so much time on my workshops and for being so positive about them.
    • The Management Marshals of Indore for a lovely evening.
    • James Pal for showing me around Indore and introducing me to Indian street cuisine – which is amazing!
    • S Nand for making it all possible by reacting to my original blog post where I said that I’d love to do some work in India.
    • Vijay Kumar Bhalla for arranging the whole thing so efficiently
    • To every single person I met while there. I must have met hundreds of people and everyone was happy, smiling, gracious, positive and open. Thanks!

    You can see many more pictures from Indore here.


  • Happiness in achievement

    Stone sculptureMy friend Annette (who is the CEO of Årstiderne) sent me these inspiring words:

    Happiness lies in the joy of achievement,
    the thrill of creative effort.
    The human spirit needs to accomplish, to achieve, to triumph to be happy.

    Happiness does not come from doing easy work.
    It comes from the afterglow of satisfaction after the achievement of a difficult task that demands your best.

    Your personal growth itself contains the seed of happiness.
    You cannot pursue happiness by itself.

    There is no happiness except in the realization that you have accomplished something.

    Happiness thrives in activity.
    It’s a running river, not a stagnant pond.

    I agree completely. Achievement feels great. We all like to get results, make a difference, contribute value and do work we can be proud of.

    My only quibble with this is that achievement is not the only source of happiness at work. I believe there are two things that make us happy at work and getting results is one of them.

    See if you can guess what the other thing is :o)


  • IMA presentation

    I would like to say a warm thank you to everyone who attended my presentation at the Indore Management Association’s conference. It was an absolute pleasure.

    As I said, I do believe that India has a unique chance right now to become not only prosperous but happy – and that means creating lots of happiness at work.

    I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and questions so please write a comment here.

    Click here to download my presentation.



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